Break into your savings, endure the lines, watch out for the ring lights, and … welcome to tennis Coachella, the Disneyfied banquet of commercialism, also known as the 2026 U.S. Open. Amid the ubiquitous Honey Deuces, the $100 snacks, the clout-chasing influencers, the stench of sports gambling, the new suites—no longer festooned with bathrooms—and all the other trappings of late-stage capitalism, there is a … what’s the phrase? Oh, right … a major tennis tournament being held.
Let’s talk about that, shall we?
