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Newcastle Herald
Newcastle Herald
National

Two Christmas poems with goosebumps and turkey

With a Santa hat over his Akubra and a new poem written, Bob Skelton is feeling the spirit of Christmas. Picture by Simone De Peak

The Hunter's bush poet laureate, Bob "Minmi Magster" Skelton, has kindly written us a Christmas poem.

Here it is:

It's now summer in the Hunter

Though it's been more like winter time

The very best thing Santa could bring

Would be some warm sunshine.

Our beaches are looking dismal

There's been no girls in bathing trunks

Instead they're dressed in winter wear

Tryin' to cover up their big goosebumps.

I'm sick of wearin' wet weather gear

The old farms a quagmire so to speak

And I'm over tippin' the rain gauge out

And wearin' smelly gumboots on me feet.

I've thrown an extra blanket on

To keep ourselves warm in the mornin'

And I've had to light the fire again

So much for global warmin' .

I'm thinkin' of movin' to Darwin

To soak up their summer heat

For if I stay here in the Hunter

I'll end up with goosebumps and webbed feet.

Now a Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Have a safe and a joyous time

I hope your days be long and happy

Filled with joy and some warm sunshine.

The Night Before Christmas

And one from us at Topics:

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even our spouse!

The stockings were hung on the TV cabinet with care, we hope they're not filled with socks or underwear.

The children were finally snug in their beds, after too much screen time put sugar plums in their heads

With mamma in her jarmies and us in the buff, soon Christmas will be here and with it more stuff.

Out on the street there arose such a clatter, drunken youngsters were lively with chatter

We asked if they'd mind quieting down, they gave us the bird and called us a clown

As they moved on, what should appear but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver, so lively and quick, we knew in a moment it must be St Nick.

We can't remember the reindeer's names as our memory is crap, so we'll use Aussie classics to fill in the gaps

He whistled and shouted, and called them by name: Now Kevin! Now Steve! Now Dazza and Wayne; on Dave, on Barry, on Ian and Shane!

To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall; dash away, dash away, dash away all!

And then in a twinkling, we heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

We didn't have a chimney, so St Nick sat in his sled; he decided real quick to leave the pressies in the shed

He had to move the mower to make room for the gifts, for a man his age and size, he was quite nimble and swift

His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry, his cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry

He pulled out his pipe and stopped for a smoke, then reached in his Esky and drank a bottle of Coke.

No wonder he has such a big round belly, too much Coke turned him into a bowlful of jelly

A wink of his eye and a nod of his head let us know he was impressed with our shed.

He sprang to his sleigh, it was now time to go, it tore through the sky like a UFO

We heard him exclaim while still in sight, Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!




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