A West Belfast woman who became chronically addicted to alcohol and drugs says she never thought she would see freedom from her addictions - now she is over five years sober.
Growing up in Twinbrook, the 37-year-old took her first drink when she was just 11 and by the time she was 15 had moved on to drugs such as Es and speed. After four years of drug use, she says the addiction "spiralled out of control".
The woman, who did not want to be named, says she is speaking out about her low points in the hope to inspire others to reach out for help. At one point in her life, she lost her only brother, triggering a trauma that she numbed with heroin, cocaine and other drugs.
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"When I was 15 I was taking drugs, heavier drugs too, likes Es and speed. At the age of 19, my only brother died and my addiction completely spiralled out of control," she said.
"I became very physically dependent on drugs. I had an operation one week before he died, and on very high morphine medication and I then developed a serious addiction to prescription tablets. I was in rehab three times by the age of 26. It progressed very quickly but being in rehab, the first three times, it's not that it didn't work or that the therapy or treatment wasn't good. The disease still had a real control over me and I still had a real craving and I couldn't stop.
"When I was in rehab, I didn't listen. I thought you went in, done four weeks and came out cured. Rehab is not like that. You go in and they give you the tools to keep up your recovery. It's you that has to use those tools and work at it. I just wasn't ready to stop because the disease had so much control.
"I was in rehab for my chronic drug addiction, but I could never see an issue with my drinking. Looking back now, every time I took a drink, I was drinking alcoholically. I was not only a chronic drug addict at the age of 28, but I also developed chronic alcoholism and I drank straight for another three years.
"I was chronic and anything put in front of me, I would have taken. I never injected drugs because I was never in the company where it was being done, or I would have. I smoked heroin but I never injected it. If you had put something in front of me and told me it would give me a hit, I would have taken it no matter what it was."
The Belfast woman says that during the last six months of her active addiction, she became severely mentally unwell. Looking back on those dark days brings her pain, but also pride because of where she is in her life today.
On January 1, 2017, she took her last drug and drink, beginning her sobriety journey on January 2. Since then, she has completely changed her life, albeit challenging each day, her days look brighter than before.
"I was not only a danger to myself but a danger to other people. I had a complete mental breakdown and it was through that that I came to see that I had no choice. That choice was, to either wise up or die like this.
"I don't know if I sickened myself with drink and drugs, but the craving then left and I took my last drink and drugs on January 1, 2017. My sobriety date is January 2, and I went back into Ward 15 in Downpatrick for the fourth time, with three months sobriety. I went in very open-minded and ready to listen. I was there to completely take on board everything that they were telling me that I needed to do to stay clean.
"It is a lifestyle change. Not that I had many friends left, everybody sort of scattered which is understandable, but I changed friends and places that I would go to. I changed everything. I am constantly changing my mindset on a daily basis too because I have really come to see that with addiction, I always thought that drink and drugs were my main problem. They weren't. They were a solution in my life for a very long time as they helped me deal with life and silence the demons in my head.
"All my life has been drink, drugs and chaos. I never thought that I would ever be living free from that, but I am. It has been down to the support that I have got within my recovery. I could never have done this on my own and addiction is a lot more than just drink and drugs.
"As an addict, I found it hard to deal with reality, and we turn to drugs and alcohol because I was so severely sensitive. That hasn't gone away. I am now dealing with it and allowing myself to feel things."
Speaking out to spread hope, the 37-year-old says she is now more sociable, and through her strong support circle, she can plan for her future. Opening up about the difficulties of embarking on a journey of recovery, she said it will be a battle that she'll be fighting for the rest of her life.
"There is plenty of support for people out there and plenty of places that can help, there's AA, NA and GA.
"Also, there is Addictions NI, Sister Consillious, Start 360, Extern and many more," she added.
"Some people aren't ready to stop using, and they need to be supported. I was that addict. I was asking for help since I was a 20-year-old but I wasn't able to stop using until I was 31. There is hope out there for everyone for when they are ready to set the drink down and support themselves, there is plenty of organisations and people to support them on that road to recovery, but it has to come from them first.
"If I am capable of doing this, anybody is capable."
Anyone who needs to talk to someone about mental health issues can call the Samaritans on 116123 or Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 .
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