Jokes about Phil Schofield, Liz Truss, and the cost of living crisis are among the best contemporary Christmas cracker jokes selected by the British public in an annual poll.
The vote asked members of the public to vote on a shortlist of 10 modern jokes considered as being worthy of inclusion in a cracker. In keeping with festive tradition, the jokes are more likely to elicit deep groans of despair at their attempted wordplay rather than a sincere cackle.
The poll of 2,000 adults, organised by the television channel Gold, decided the best of the shortlisted jokes was: “What type of peas ruin Christmas Dinner? MPs.” This beat a reference to Phil Schofield and Holly Willoughby – the hosts of This Morning – supposedly jumping the queue to pay tributes to Queen Elizabeth II when her coffin lay in state at Westminster Hall.
The other shortlisted cracker jokes were:
Why does Kate Bush need to turn the heating off? She’s running up that bill
How did King Charles III sign his Christmas cards to his family? The Artist Formerly Known as Prince
What’s the difference between Liz Truss and a shepherd? One U-turns and the other turns ewes
Why are Will Smith and Chris Rock not having turkey this Christmas? Because they’ve got beef
Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints
What crisps do Phil and Holly serve at their Christmas party? Skips
Why are the government having problems with their own version of the Christmas Nativity? They can’t find three wise men
What do people heating their homes and wrapping paper have in common this Christmas? Both of them are getting ripped off
How can you keep your home warm this Christmas? Tinsulation
The Christmas cracker tradition originated in the 1840s with a London confectioner called Tom Smith. He borrowed an idea from the French and began wrapping sweets in a tube and included a small romantic motto. Originally branded as “Christmas Bonbonnes”, he later added an explosive snap and a small trinket to create the modern cracker package. In time, the romantic motto was often replaced with a humorous reference, leading to the tradition of families sitting around a dinner table wearing paper hats and reading out abysmal puns.
Manufacturers say they rarely update the jokes and keep the same ones for decades – only removing jokes judged to be offensive due to sexism or other prejudices – because customers complain if the gags are actually funny.
