Since the beginning of the trial between E Jean Carroll and Donald Trump, I have been seriously triggered. I am not alone. I am hearing from women all across America and the world. Sleepless nights, unbearable anxiety, shortness of breath, unexplained rage, depression. Survivors have a kind of collective nervous system, a central body where our stories and trauma live in a timeless and interwoven continuum. When one of us goes on public trial, it is all of us on trial, our histories charged, our past memories made frighteningly present. We are what I would call “sister-triggered”.
Triggers are cues that signal potential threats around us. As survivors, we are constantly on alert as we swim in these volatile misogynist waters, knowing a wave can come any minute to swallow us whole, or at the very least remind us that although we may have one-off victories we are still swimming in their rigged and violent sea. And this is particularly true each time a sister survivor bravely goes on trial, willingly stands up and publicly tells the truth, sheds her anonymity for the greater good, faces an onslaught of hate, and inevitably has her privacy, being and body reinvaded.
