Trevor Noah
Trevor Noah discussed troubling numbers for Netflix on Wednesday evening, after the company announced it had lost 200,000 subscribers in the first three months of this year and expects to lose 2 million more over the next quarter. The news, which sent the company’s stock tumbling 35%, is “so surprising, because me and the 43 people I share my account with, we’re still watching it all the time”, the Daily Show host quipped.
As its stock plummets, Netflix execs are considering an array of options, meaning they’ll probably scroll around for 45 minutes and just put on Seinfeld. pic.twitter.com/PwvdOpFDaY
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) April 21, 2022
“You know how you know Netflix is in trouble? It’s because they’re even considering ads,” he added on the company’s plan to introduce a cheaper, ad-supported subscription plan. “You realize for years, Netflix has hated ads,” he said. “They treated ads the way French people treat everything.”
The decline in subscribers stems from a number of factors, including password sharing, inflation and “Regé Jean-Page leaving Bridgerton”, said Noah. “Now Netflix executives are being forced to consider multiple options. Only problem is, knowing Netflix, they’re just going to scroll through those options for like 45 minutes before they give up and just put on Seinfeld.”
But there’s “no reason to panic” said Noah, as “this was always bound to happen” with the rise of competitive streaming services such as HBO Max and Peacock.
“The king of streaming is struggling right now,” he concluded. “And I hope that they make it through, I honestly do. I like Netflix. Because without Netflix, there’s no Netflix and chill. And that would be a disaster. We need the pretense of watching Netflix for six minutes before we start the sex.”
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert observed 4/20, the national holiday for potheads. “Time for all you doobie-loving potheads to get up to your usual smoky hijinks: folding laundry and hoping half a gummy will help you fall asleep,” he quipped.
New polling says that 37% of Americans use weed – “while the remaining 63% say they were just holding it for a friend”, Colbert joked – and two-thirds of Americans also say they want recreational marijuana use to be legal under federal law and in their own state.
“Well, that makes sense,” said Colbert. “Marijuana is tame compared other controlled substances. Its most dangerous side-effect is making hacky sack seem like a sport.”
Seth Meyers
“As we have said many times on this show, the modern Republican party is, among many other things, a collection of some of the weirdest people in the world,” said Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s Late Night. “There’s just no other way to say it. They just constantly say and do weird shit.”
Meyers pointed to when Representative Madison Cawthorn of North Carolina claimed on a podcast that his GOP colleagues held cocaine-fueled orgies, Fox News host Tucker Carlson’s promoting testicle tanning, and Texas senator Ted Cruz “whining” about Disney’s criticism of Florida’s so-called “don’t say gay” law.
On Monday, Cruz said of Disney, which opposed the law that bans public school teachers from discussing sexual orientation or gender identity before third grade: “I think there are people who are misguided trying to drive Disney stepping in saying, in every episode now they’re going to have you know Mickey and Pluto going at it. Really? … These are kids. You can always shift to Cinemax if you want that.”
“You can? Which Cinemax package do you have?” Meyers mocked. “Just remember: anytime you come up with some kinky idea involving two cartoon characters, pornography has beat you to it. I bet if you googled Mickey and Pluto the top auto-complete options would be ‘go on a picnic’, ‘go on a drive’ and ‘go to town on each other’.”
“Ted Cruz jumping to that conclusion makes it clear that he already has some pretty pervy ideas about the Magic Kingdom,” he added. “I’d hate to hear why he thinks it’s called Splash Mountain.”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel also celebrated 4/20 with a CBS News poll that found that 66% of Americans want marijuana to be legal under federal law. “Sixty-six per cent of Americans don’t agree on anything,” said Kimmel. “We can barely get 66% of Americans to agree that horse medicine is for horses. That’s a lot of people.”
And the fallout from the Oscars slap is still rippling through show business, as producers of the Tony awards sent a letter to prospective audience members announcing a “strict no violence policy”.
“In the event of an incident,” the letter continued, “the perpetrator will be removed from the event immediately”.
“Not only will the perpetrator be removed from the theater, they will be banned from the Tony awards for 525,600 minutes,” Kimmel joked, singing the signature Rent tune. “I think this is good, because I’m going to tell you something: I know we laugh but the only thing worse than getting slapped is getting slapped with jazz hands.”
