TOWIE star Georgia Kousoulou has opened up about how her secret battle with postnatal depression left her in a "dark place".
The reality TV star has explained how she struggled to bond with her son Brody, one, and felt guilt and shame when didn't feel the instant intense love she had been told by others she would experience.
Georgia and fiancé Tommy Mallet welcomed their first child together into the world on 5 May last year and celebrated their baby's first birthday last week.
Ahead of the celebrations, Georgia decided to publicly share her experience with postnatal depression, after previously only confiding with her inner circle.
Discussing her ordeal with OK! magazine, the mum-of-one said: "I didn’t get that overwhelming feeling of love from the moment I first held him that everyone speaks about. I was looking at this baby like, ‘Is this mine?’ It took me a while.
"It was love at first sight visually, but emotionally I didn’t have that uncontrollable love and when I didn’t get it straight away it really stressed me out. It upset me for ages and sent me into a dark place."
Although she had originally planned a water birth when delivering Brody last year, Georgia opted for a C-section when a final scan revealed her unborn son was in the breech position.
Reflecting on the birth, the reality TV star admitted that the procedure made bonding with her firstborn baby harder as she felt like her body "didn’t know it had birthed a baby" and "didn't catch up".
Georgia went on to explain how she initially tried to hide her struggle from her partner Tommy, 29, but the entrepreneur spotted signs she was experiencing postnatal depression and staged an intervention to get her help.
"I didn’t have that connection for the first few weeks. Then, Tommy noticed that I wasn’t OK – I was very quiet and I’d sneak off to cry in the bathroom when I thought no one could hear," she recalled to the publication.
"I’ve never had my house so full, and I’ve never felt so lonely. It was like I was trapped in a dark tunnel and I couldn’t see the light."
The Essex beauty recalled how Tommy - whom she met on the set of TOWIE in 2014 - told her mother, his mother and their midwife "Georgia’s not OK" at home one day.
Georgia confessed that the shock made her cry but admitted it was "such a relief" as it meant she didn't have to tell other people herself.
The ITVBe star added how important it is for people to be careful about how they discuss how women feeling when they first hold their baby, as not everyone experiences the same feelings and for some, it takes more time than others to form a bond.
Georgia also credited her fans on Instagram for helping her in her battle against postnatal depression - explaining how once she opened up to her online community and spoke to fellow parents, she realised she wasn't alone in her experience.
The reality TV star confessed that "it became easier" once she started to talk openly about her feelings.
*If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch.
