It is times like this when that sketch by Mitchell and Webb comes to mind, in which they lampoon football’s perpetual, unstoppable churn. Playing a hyperventilating television announcer, David Mitchell’s face gets redder and redder as he reels off the matches coming up on Sky Sports. “It will never stop! The football is officially going on forever! It will never be finally decided who has won the football! THERE IS STILL EVERYTHING TO PLAY FOR AND FOREVER TO PLAY IT IN!”
For football fans, there is some comfort to be found in that relentless rhythm: the season ends, a new one begins and we rekindle burnt hopes and fizzled-out dreams all over again. But as Newcastle and Tottenham boarded flights to Australia on Monday, to play a meaningless friendly in Melbourne three days after the season’s end, one wondered when the football was ever going to stop.
