I’m off to blog the FA Cup final, but a match report will appear here shortly. Thanks for your company - bye!
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A manic Antonio Conte is on the pitch hugging his players. They made seriously hard work of that - or, rather, Burnley made it seriously hard work for them.
Full time: Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Burnley
Peep peep! Spurs move up to fourth, for the next 32 hours at least, after a painful victory over Burnley. Harry Kane’s debatable penalty settled the game and, though Nick Pope made two outstanding saves from Son Heung-min, Burnley came very close to an equaliser when Ashley Barnes shivered the post from long range.
90+3 min Kulusevski is booked. One last free-kick for Burnley...
90+2 min “I share the frustration with current handball law,” says David Keech. “Seems very unfair. However if we went to an ‘intentional only’ law, defenders could spread their arms adding a huge area to block and claim any ball hitting arm as ‘unintentional’. It’s a tough one; I see it both ways.”
This is a really good point. Approximately 99.94 per cent of footballers and football people are lying cheats who will gain any advantage they can, which makes life more difficult for referees and lawmakers. Cheating has never been more sophisticated than it is now.
91 min Four minutes of added time.
90 min Burnley’s performance today has been ever so impressive. They’ll probably get nothing for it, mind.
Meanwhile, Joe Rodon replaces the limping Emerson Royal.
88 min After a poor clearance from Kane, McNeil has a shot blocked by a defender. I think it was Kane in fact, making up for his original error. The goal might have counted anyway because Nathan Collins DDT’d somebody off the ball to stop them getting to McNeil.
88 min Emerson Royal is injured, so Joe Rodon is being urgently readied. Antonio Conte is stomping around in a volcanic mood.
87 min “I take issue with Mr Gieldon’s earlier comment - what one might call ‘the caprice of small margins’ has always been a part of sport,” says Gary Naylor. “The fine edge to the wicketkeeper, the wire of the triple 20, Geoff Hurst’s shot. It’s just that, these days, our vision is amplified by cameras and our noise by social media.”
And our brains have turned to soup. I mean, I do agree with you, but I also concur that the handball law is all wrong.
86 min Hugo Lloris is booked for timewasting! Apparently Pope was similarly reprimanded in the first half, which I missed. So sue me!
84 min There’s a very nervous atmosphere at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. A goal for Burnley now would realistically end Spurs’ Champions League chances.
81 min: Fine save from Pope! Sessegnon drives a low cross to Son, who turns and whistles a shot at goal from about 10 yards. Pope thrusts out his right arm and makes an almost nonchalant save with the side of his elbow.
79 min: Spurs substitution Antonio Conte brings on Dejan Kulusevski for Lucas Moura, who started well and faded, just like his team.
78 min: Burnley subsitution A double change in fact: Wout Weghorst and Spurs alumnus Aaron Lennon replace Lowton and Barnes. That should mean a switch to 4-4-2.
77 min Lloris boots the ball out of play so that Emerson Royal can receive treatment. Spurs look a bit leggy, which may have something to do with Thursday night’s game.
75 min For a centre-back, Nathan Collins can really play. He fires another excellent pass into Cornet in the area, but he is well shielded by Davies.
73 min “Remember the beautiful game of football, Rob?” says Filip Gieldon. “It’s over. Gone. Stolen. Handed over to a bunch of hacks who, in a low-scoring yet highly entertaining sport, decided that a ball minimally grazing an arm, despite having zero influence on the play, is course to undo the whole game. How in the world have we come to this? Burnley’s fate and probably the top four race will now be decided by THAT decision. It’s a sad state of affairs.”
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70 min Nothing much is happening. But it’s only still 1-0, and that means Spurs (and Leeds, and Everton) can’t get comfortable.
67 min “The handball rules need changing … urgently, given their often game-changing and absurd application,” says Geoff. “Unlikely, of course, given that rule-making is in the hands of old-fart bureaucrats, rather than the players to whom the game ultimately belongs.”
I couldn’t disagree less, though I feel bad about dissing my old-fart brethren.
65 min: Great save from Pope! That was a lovely move from Spurs. Son found Kane, who smoothly played in the overlapping Sessegnon. He picked out Son, whose close-range shot was saved instinctively to his right by Pope. That was a brilliant stop.
64 min Son’s outswinging corner is headed across goal by Bentancur, just like on Thursday night, but this time Pope is able to fall on the ball.
62 min: Barnes hits the post! That would have been a sensational equaliser. The impressive Collins played a superb pass through the lines to find McNeil, who stabbed an equally good ball towards Barnes. He turned and unleashed a shot from 25 yards that beat the flying Lloris and thumped off the post.
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60 min Burnley aren’t out of this. They look dangerous, certainly from set-pieces, and Spurs won’t be comfortable until they get a second goal. If they don’t win today, fourth place has almost certainly gone.
57 min Spurs break four on three. Sessegnon and Son combine to tee up Kane, who whips over from the edge of the D.
56 min Spurs appeal for handball when Kane’s shot is blocked by Taylor. No dice, soldier. It hit Taylor’s elbow, but it was tight to his body.
55 min Here’s the Premier League table as things stand. Leeds and Everton play today, Arsenal tomorrow.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Man City | 36 | 72 | 89 |
| 2 | Liverpool | 36 | 65 | 86 |
| 3 | Chelsea | 36 | 42 | 70 |
| 4 | Tottenham Hotspur | 37 | 24 | 68 |
| 5 | Arsenal | 36 | 11 | 66 |
| 6 | Man Utd | 37 | 1 | 58 |
| 7 | West Ham | 36 | 11 | 55 |
| 8 | Wolverhampton | 36 | -3 | 50 |
| 9 | Brighton | 36 | -4 | 47 |
| 10 | Leicester | 35 | -4 | 45 |
| 11 | Crystal Palace | 35 | 4 | 44 |
| 12 | Aston Villa | 35 | -1 | 43 |
| 13 | Brentford | 36 | -8 | 43 |
| 14 | Newcastle | 36 | -21 | 43 |
| 15 | Southampton | 36 | -20 | 40 |
| 16 | Everton | 35 | -19 | 36 |
| 17 | Burnley | 36 | -18 | 34 |
| 18 | Leeds | 36 | -38 | 34 |
| 19 | Watford | 36 | -38 | 23 |
| 20 | Norwich | 36 | -56 | 21 |
53 min There’s some burgeoning needle in this game. Cork leaves one on Hojbjerg and is pushed by Bentancur; then Dier has an exchange of view with the Burnley bench. You hate to see it.
51 min “Last penalty had various conspiracy theories,” says Yash Gupta. “This one must be freaking out all those keyboard conspiracy warriors who will be saying everyone is against Arsenal.”
That’s a six-month MBM suspension for you mate.
50 min McNeil swings the resulting free-kick to the far post, where Collins gets over. He was up so early, above Davinson Sanchez, but couldn’t get over the top of the ball.
49 min Lucas Moura is booked for tripping Charlie Taylor, though I’m not sure it was deliberate. Even so, this has been a strong start to the second half from Burnley.
48 min: Chance for Burnley! Brownhill’s free-kick from the right is headed just wide by Long, who did well to leap above Dier, stiffen his neck muscles and guide a downward header in the general direction of the Spurs goal. Lloris might have it covered, though I wouldn’t bet the farm on it.
47 min “That ‘arms in an unnatural position’ things gets me a little,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Were they orbiting the earth? Still attached to his body? Deliberately positioned to interfere? ‘Spursy’ is beginning to associate itself with penalties, I feel. Would love to see a stat on that. Anyway, I’m probably biased.”
I don’t really like the law, but it is clear enough. I thought it was a penalty on Thursday night as well. It was soft but not Andrex-soft, more Tesco Everyday Value-soft
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46 min Peep peep! Spurs begin the second half.
“It’s so great that VAR identifies fouls which no one saw in real time,” says Robert Speed. “Just what everyone was clamouring for.”
Let’s have a song for VAR.
Half-time reading
Half time: Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Burnley
A perfect end to a difficult half for Spurs. Burnley are still fuming with the penalty decision, though they don’t really have a case. The law is an ass; the referee is not. You can understand their frustration, though, especially as they were defending with such serenity.
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GOAL! Tottenham 1-0 Burnley (Kane 45+8 pen)
Harry Kane scores! He dragged the penalty into the bottom-left corner, with Pope choosing not to dive. I doubt he’d have saved it anyway; it was perfectly placed.
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PENALTY GIVEN! I don’t think anybody appealed, but laws is laws and Barnes did have his arms in an unnatural position.
45+6 min: Kevin Friend is going to the monitor, so this will probably be a penalty to Spurs.
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The incident took place before Kane’s chance. Sanchez flicked the ball against the outstretched arm of Ashley Barnes, and it’s still being checked by VAR. The only thing that might save Barnes is how close he was to Sanchez.
VAR check for a Spurs penalty! This will be given I think.
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45+4 min: Chance for Kane! Spurs should have taken the lead on the stroke of half-time. Moura got round the back on the right and cut the ball back to Kane, who swept it wide of the near post from 10 yards.
45 min Four minutes of added time. Kane loses McNeil, 25 yards from goal, but cracks his shot wide.
44 min After a patient passing move, Hojbjerg clips a cross too close to Pope. Antonio Conte is sanguine.
43 min This match has taken an unexpected turn. Spurs have lost their way and Burnley, who barely had a kick in the first 15-20 minutes, are starting to enjoy themselves.
40 min Spurs started well but haven’t threatened since around the 18th minute. Antonio Conte will be preparing the chainsaw hairdryer.
39 min “The Cleese thing has grown infirm with age and deserves to be retired with dignity,” says Charles Antaki. “As a replacement how about, ‘It’s not the hubris; I can stand the hubris; it’s the nemesis’. Applicable to every penalty kick, substitution, game and indeed season.”
It rolls off the tongue, so why not.
37 min Cornet is being treated for a cut after being caught accidentally by Sanchez. He’s having his head bandaged but should be okay to continue.
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35 min “There is no free will, no one is in charge or their own destiny or master of their own domain,” says Francis Mead. “So we should say, ‘Burnley will stay up or go down according to the whims of a blind, purposeless and wholly deterministic universe.’”
34 min The crowd are started to get a bit frustrated. Burnley have defended well - Spurs, for all their possession and promise, haven’t had many clear chances.
33 min Moura, possibly unsighted, mistimes a header from Dier’s inswinging cross. It wasn’t much of a chance.
32 min “Spurs seem less focused today than v Arsenal or Liverpool,” says Ron Stack. “Passes off target, pace a bit slower. They aren’t going to do it again, are they?”
I’d say it’s a bit early for that, though a 0-0 draw with 48 world-class saves from Nick Pope wouldn’t be a surprise.
31 min Token not to Arsenal fans.
30 min “Relegation this, Champions League that, I just want to see Son win the Golden Boot,” says Phil Podolsky. “Not because I don’t like Salah but because I really love Son. One of the true Big Game Players in addition to being one of the great finishers, one of the best players in the world, probably the most likable footballer of all time and so on and so forth.”
Tell it to Twitter mate. That place had Son pegged from day one.
28 min: Good save from Lloris! Burnley are coming into this. Collins strolls out of defence, keeps going and then slides a marvellous pass around Sanchez to put Cornet through on goal. He forces a shot towards the near post that is pushed away by Lloris, a smart reaction save.
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27 min Roberts is booked for kicking the ball away.
25 min Taylor breaks down the left and curls a brilliant cross towards McNeil, who is about to head towards goal from six yards when Sessegnon gets round to clear. Vital defending. Burnley have looked less uncomfortable in the last few minutes.
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22 min Barnes slips Bentancur neatly but has only Cornet in support and the attack is over almost before it started. Burnley can’t get out.
21 min “Any info on the players down the end of the list on Burnley’s bench?” says Brian Gissane. “They’re made-up names, right? Reads like a Pro Evo teamsheet.”
I think that attitude is very disrespectful to Napoleon Vennegoor of Hesselink.
18 min A swirling long-range shot by Emerson Royal is pushed over by Pope. It was a comfortable enough save, but Pope is having far too much to do for Burnley’s liking.
17 min: Off the line by Collins! Lucas Moura, who has started superbly, waves a pass across to Sessegnon with the outside of the foot. His deep cross is headed back across goal by Kane, and Collins stretches like an arthritic ninja to shin it behind for a corner. I’m not entirely sure Kane’s header was going in, though Collins didn’t know that.
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15 min Davies shoots straight at Pope from distance.
14 min Passes so far: Spurs 106-10 Burnley.
14 min “Burnley - always loved them,” says a bald-faced Charles Antaki. “Terrific team. It would do every Arsenal fan’s heart good to see them stay in the Premier League, preferably by winning today and then... actually I don’t care much what happens after that. All good luck to them. May several goals go in off a Burnley forward’s arse, several times.”
13 min Moura scoots past Taylor and stands up a cross to Kane, whose header is saved to his right by Pope. There wasn’t much pace on the cross, good though it was, and Kane did about as well as could be expected.
11 min Son takes a short corner on the left, gets it back and whips an inswinging cross-shot that is pushed behind by the diving Pope. He was out of position, expecting a deep cross, and I suspect that was a clever effort from Son rather than a mishit cross.
10 min Spurs have had 88 per cent possession. Emerson Royal runs at Taylor and drives a low shot that is kicked away by Collins in the six-yard box. He’s a really promising defender for both Burnley and Ireland.
9 min No chances yet for either side, though Burnley continued to defend a little uneasily. Kane is about to appeal for a penalty when he realised he’s been flagged offside. It was a soft push from Long, probably not a foul.
8 min “Hi Rob,” says Jon Collin. “Re: alternatives to ‘in control of their destiny’, how about ‘masters of their own domain’?”
Haha, I think we have a winner.
6 min Most of the game so far has taken place in the Burnley third. The average positions graphic must look like a beehive.
4 min Sanchez has a long-range shot blocked. It’s been all Spurs so far. They won’t be playing on the counter-attack today.
3 min “My online Collins has a mildly amusing second def for DEFENESTRATION,” says Rob Jacques, “as a defiant act of uninstalling the Microsoft operating system.”
Is that true? That sounds suspiciously like WORDPLAY, or maybe even BANTER.
2 min Scratch that, it’s a back five. They trained with a back four in the warm-up. I love this burgeoning culture of tactical subterfuge.
Burnley (5-3-2) Pope; Roberts, Collins, Long, Lowton; Taylor; Brownhill, Cork, McNeil; Cornet, Barnes.
1 min Peep peep! Burnley get the game under way. They’ve started with a back four, with Connor Roberts in midfield.
Burnley (4-4-2) Pope; Lowton, Collins, Long, Taylor; Roberts, Brownhill, Cork, McNeil; Barnes, Cornet.
A reminder of the teams
Spurs (3-4-3) Lloris; Sanchez, Dier, Davies; Emerson Royal, Bentancur, Hojbjerg, Sessegnon; Lucas Moura, Kane, Son.
Substitutes: Gollini, Austin, Rodon, White, Winks, Craig, Kulusevski, Bergwijn, Scarlett.
Burnley (possible 5-3-2) Pope; Roberts, Lowton, Collins, Long, Taylor; McNeil, Brownhill, Cork; Barnes, Cornet.
Substitutes: Hennessey, Bardsley, Thomas, Dodgson, Lennon, Gomez Mancini, Weghorst, Costelloe, McGlynn.
Referee Kevin Friend.
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“Instead of ‘in control of their destiny’,” begins Phil Grey, “how about spinners of their own web? Navigators of their own carrack? Producers of their own BBC miniseries set in Lancashire?”
“Defenestration,” says Alan Rowley. “I don’t think you know what the word means.”
I love the smell of fan mail before kick off.
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Twenty years ago today
It’s nothing to do with this game but come on, even Tony Soprano wouldn’t begrude a bit of remember whenning on the anniversary of Zinedine Zidane’s volley against Bayer Leverkusen.
Nostalgia tricks us into thinking that great sporting moments have been in our mind’s eye from the, er, moment they happened, but that’s not always the case. I reckon I saw this goal three or four times at most before YouTube. I know for sure I didn’t see it live as I was watching The Distance from Here at the Almeida, a play that the Guardian just adored.
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Pre-match reading
Team news
Lucas Moura replaces Dejan Kulusevski in the only Spurs change from the defenestration of Arsenal.
Mike Jackson makes three changes from the Burnley team that lost at home to Aston Villa last weekend. Kevin Long, Matt Lowton and Maxwel Cornet come in for James Tarkowski (injured), Aaron Lennon and Wout Weghorst. It also looks like they will start with a back five.
Lowton is making his 200th appearance for Burnley.
Here's how we line-up against Burnley! 👇 pic.twitter.com/0X7LtMDd7t
— Tottenham Hotspur (@SpursOfficial) May 15, 2022
📋 Here's your Clarets side to face Spurs today 💪
— Burnley FC (@BurnleyOfficial) May 15, 2022
Come on lads! 👊#TOTBUR | #TogetherWeCanUTC pic.twitter.com/fIwbg1xKAu
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Preamble
Hello and welcome to live coverage of Spurs v Burnley at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. It’s a collision of two very different worlds with not dissimilar obsessions. Spurs are desperate to finish fourth from top; Burnley would sell their soul - arguably already have - to finish fourth from bottom.
Though Spurs had their biggest party in years on Thursday night, they’d rather not be playing on Thursday evenings next season. Champions League qualification is their world entire, chiefly because it would guarantee that the wonderful Antonio Conte stays for next season. Spurs find themselves in a strange position: high on life, but with their fate is in somebody else’s hands. Their hands. All Spurs can do is win both remaining games - today and Norwich away next weekend - and hope Arsenal drop points against either Newcastle or Everton.
Burnley are level on points with Leeds but with a game in hand. Their goal difference is so superior (-17 to Leeds’ -38) that they will remain in control of their destiny* whatever happens today. Leeds play Brighton at 2pm, so Burnley could be in the bottom three before the Sunday roasts have been digested. Or they could be safe with two games to spare.
Kick off 12pm.
* Yeah I know, ‘in control of their destiny’ is an awful phrase; a particularly nasty cliche. If you can think of a better alternative, I’ll happily pass it off as my own in future liveblogs.
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