This is the nadir of Erik ten Hag’s Manchester United tenure: a shambolic mess that Tottenham exploited gleefully, pinging the ball about and punching through their storied host as if in a men-v-kids knockabout.
The manager claims to have a plan and on this showing it seems to be based on waving opponents past on a figurative red carpet, and Spurs ran through them endlessly. Towards the end, at 2-0 down, a 10-man United rallied, as Casemiro raided and Alejandro Garnacho darted in: this merely showed what Ten Hag’s charges might have done if they were not an embarrassment to their famous shirt.
By then Brennan Johnson and Dejan Kulusevksi had scored and Bruno Fernandes had been handed a red card, so the captain will miss the next three league games. If the decision appeared harsh, further insult and injury ensued as Lucas Bergvall’s first touch – a corner, from the left – was headed on at the near post by Pape Matar Sarr – his first touch, too – and the unmarked Dominic Solanke touched home.
Ten Hag, drenched in pouring rain, had overseen a duck shoot and this, too, with Ange Postecoglou’s men missing the injured Son Heung-min, and who might have given United a six- or seven-nil trouncing.
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United are next at Porto on Thursday, in the Europa League, then travel to Aston Villa on Sunday in this competition. After this utter farrago, the manager, desperately, needs to win again – preferably both of these games – as it is now this defeat and two draws in his side’s past three outings.
As the jubilant travelling congregation sang When the Spurs Go Marching in, and despite the denial of any job-security concern, the beleaguered Dutchman ended his afternoon dicing with the territory marked “sacking”.
Postecoglou, though, bathes in the warm glow of his side having turned over the record 20-time champions, on their own turf. With his “it’s just who we are, mate” high-line mantra and could‑not-care-less declaration about a second season “always” yielding silverware, there is an endearing swagger about Postecoglou.
After three minutes this strut was visible in his charges and it never left. Fernandes slid the ball into Garnacho on halfway. He tapped to Marcus Rashford who pushed forward, overhit the ball, Micky van de Ven pilfered this, then launched a rampaging surge that left United in tatters. When he reached the left byline and crossed, Johnson had a simple tap-in.
Superb from Spurs and criminal from United. Similar naivety ensued when Manuel Ugarte dawdled, James Maddison mugged the supposed “shielding” player and set up Solanke. A well-timed Lisandro Martínez tackle saved Ten Hag’s men from fielding serious jeering from the support – this came at the torrid first half’s close.
United were like Anthony Joshua in the first round against Daniel Dubois: dazed from hitting the canvas instantly and never recovering. There is always hope against Postecoglou’s boom-or-bust ethos. Yet when Rashford broke along the left, his ball for Joshua Zirkzee was aimless, and here we saw the lack of ruthlessness Ten Hag bewails.
Spurs continually knifed through United’s crepe-paper-like resistance. Example: from deep in their territory, Destiny Udogie did a Van de Ven impression, skating along an inside left channel. Space, once more, was created for Johnson who was unlucky his effort defeated André Onana but not his right post.
Earlier the keeper’s left shoulder thwarted a Maddison chip after he, Kulusevski and Udogie combined. Later, Johnson was inches from giving Timo Werner an open goal, Nassar Mazraoui’s interception saving United.
Cut to a grim-faced Ten Hag seeing his side shredded. Cut back to the action as an ambling Diogo Dalot, who somehow lost Johnson for his strike, was pickpocketed, allowing Maddison to unload. He went wide, as did Cristian Romero with an aesthetically pleasing scissors-kick that offered further evidence of how splayed United were.
An abacus was needed to track Spurs’ chances. Another clear one came when Kulusevski prodded for Werner to race in behind. Onana saved, though the German should not have aimed at him again. Then, disaster: Fernandes clipped, slightly, Maddison, who made the proverbial of this. Up went Christopher Kavanagh’s red card and off went the Portuguese.
Now came the break and the United support’s jeers. There were more when Spurs doubled the lead. Casemiro had replaced Zirkzee for the second 45, with Rashford switching to No 9. Done, presumably, to shore United up. Suddenly Johnson was wheeling down their left and popping in a ball that, deflected, Kulusevski deftly beat Onana with.
United, hapless, could not embody, even, the truism that having 10 men is awkward for the foe. And came close to losing a second captain of the day when Martínez (who took Fernandes’s armband) chopped Maddison down but he saw only yellow.
Romero, too, escaped a loud ball-to-hand shout in the area and so, too, Guglielmo Vicario’s goal when Martínez missed when it bounced to him from this.
