Kelsey Parker says the death of her pop star husband Tom Parker has changed her as a person forever.
The Wanted singer Tom died in March at the age of 33 after a year-and-a-half long battle with stage four glioblastoma brain cancer.
Opening up during the fifth episode of her ITVBe documentary series Kelsey Parker: Life After Tom on Thursday, she said the trauma she experienced both while Tom was sick and since his death was unimaginable.
Describing how she feels when people ask how she’s coping, she said: “Of course I’m not okay, I’m never going to be the Kelsey I was two years ago and that’s just it.”
Adding: “The trauma I’ve suffered is beyond anything anyone could imagine.”
Kelsey - who shared children Aurelia, three, and Bodhi, two with Tom - also spoke about grieving for the life she believed she had lost.
During a therapy session on the programme, she said how she and Tom would often look at older couples and talk about how one day that would be them.
She said: “All I wanted was to be with Tom, grow old together, sitting on a bench eating bread rolls.
“When we’d go out we’d be like ‘that will be us eating fish and chips on a bench’.
“This isn’t what I thought my life was going to be and that upsets me because I wanted that so much.
“This is my - not new life - but this is my life and I’m getting on with it.”