Your anonymous correspondent (Letters, 19 December) implies that those who say “Shall we just not do presents [for Christmas] this year?” are ungrateful or unappreciative for the things they already have. They have the economic wherewithal to buy what they want, when they want, so the sense of special occasion, and gratitude, is lost.
However, I’d counter that the reason many people have stopped buying presents for partners is precisely because they do appreciate how lucky they are, and see no need for the performative gift-buying for a person who needs, or wants, very little. Deciding not to add to your possessions for the sake of it isn’t ungrateful, and certainly doesn’t preclude giving gifts to others that are needed, wanted and appreciated. I love the undiluted delight on the face of a person who’s just received the perfect gift, however small. I also know that at 55, with a steady income and an established home, there’s very little practical stuff I need, and relatively few affordable treats I can’t afford at intervals through the year.
Yes, that means I’m more fortunate than many others, but it doesn’t mean I’m unaware of that fact. I still love to get presents for others, and still love to receive gifts – but if someone said to me they didn’t want anything, I wouldn’t assume they were unaware of the people who do wait for Christmas and birthdays for the things they need. I’d also point out that very often, the people who say they’re not doing gifts follow that up with, “Instead, we’re donating to…”, thereby contributing towards supporting those who really do need the things we may take for granted at Christmas.
Becky Kennedy
Watford, Hertfordshire
• I can think of lots of reasons people might not “do” presents this year, and not one is because a person already has “Seventeen [candles] already, none ever lit”. They may think Christmas has become far too commercialised. They may have less disposable money than other people think. They may say it to spare other people the embarrassment of having to reciprocate with presents they can’t afford. They may be secretly donating to food banks and charities instead. No one should feel obliged to buy presents, and honest conversations need to be had.
Laura Matthews
West Wickham, London
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