There’s a scene in Peep Show when Mark flies off the handle with Jez on Christmas morning because he forgot to buy the turkey. “No turkey?” Mark says, quaking with rage, before screaming “That was your job, you f***ing moron” and going on an expletive-ridden tirade. But it turns out to be a joke – Jez has in fact bought an organic turkey which he spent “ages researching online”. Mark apologises. “That wasn’t very Christmassy,” says Jez.
“That wasn’t very Christmassy” has become a catchphrase in my house. My siblings and I have shouted it at each other over the years for unwrapping stockings before one of us has woken up, for presents which are obvious regifts, and when someone pulls the crackers and loses on both sides.
But nowadays the most un-festive thing I fall foul of is going on my phone. Scrolling Instagram on the day of Jesus’s birth is the platonic ideal of not very Christmassy. This is a time to return to the analogue, to read a book or watch Harry Potter with ad breaks on Channel 4 even though you could put it on Netflix.
Detoxes may be associated with the New Year, but Christmas is the perfect time to abstain from tech. There is evidence that, in the long term, dependence on the smartphone could change the structure of the brain, weakening neural connectivity and grey matter density in areas associated with attention, emotional regulation, processing and cognitive control. This, in turn, increases the risk of anxiety and depression. Not very Christmassy.
I am the sort of person who looks at their phone every ten minutes, and as ever, it will be my New Year’s Resolution to be more Luddite than screen slave in 2025. If you feel similarly inclined, here are a few tips to begin the detox early and relegate your phone to a bit-part character in the Christmas nativity.
Create frictions
Phones are designed for us to be able to spend endless time on them – from the bright colours to the infinity pool social media feeds. One way to reduce screen time is to make your phone less visually appealing and easy to use.
All the highly saturated colours on our phone screens are dopamine triggers which keep us coming back for more. Like children we can’t help but click on the candy pink Instagram symbol. Make your phone less aesthetically pleasing by putting it in greyscale mode – this can be done on an iPhone in the “accessibility” section of settings. Watching Reels or TikTok videos won’t be so much fun any more, unless you’re a big fan of film noir. A 2021 study found that participants who switched their phone to greyscale reduced their daily screen time by an average of 21 minutes. They also felt less anxious, as a bonus.
Limit your phone’s capacity to distract
The best option for reducing screen time is going cold turkey and deleting social media apps. But much like a crash diet, you won’t see long term benefits if you’re planning on re-installing all the apps come January.
That added hurdle will help you mindfully use apps rather than opening them without thinking. Even better, get a family member or partner to choose the password, meaning you’ll have to go begging to them if you want to spend another 15 minutes doomscrolling TikTok.
A phone is like a screaming child, demanding attention. Think about the ways you can pacify it. Based on iPhone data, Gen Zs receive around 180 notifications a day, each one a tiny distraction, and many which could be turned off. Perhaps it’s that overactive WhatsApp group or a daily reminder from an app you never use. Turn off as many notifications as possible, mute individual groups and make liberal use of the Do Not Disturb button.
Out of sight, out of mind
Put your phone out of sight as often as possible. Scientists at the University of Chicago found that even having our phones in our eyeline reduces acts as a distraction and reduces cognitive capacity. Leave it in another room, hide it on a bookshelf, stuff it in a drawer beneath some unfinished tax returns. If you want to go the full mile, invest in a lockbox with a timer. That means you can set hours-long digital detoxes and not rely on your own will power. Other un-Christmassy vices like vapes can go in there, too.
Rope others in
It may be hard to practise your tech-free asceticism if the rest of your co-habitants are lolling around scrolling on their own phones. In her book How To Break Up With Your Phone, Catherine Price advises getting others involved. Use your family’s horribly competitive streak for good by buying a multi-cord charging outlet and getting everyone to leave their phones in the kitchen overnight. The first person to buckle in the morning and check their phone must pay the price with a brutal forfeit. I cannot promise this will lead to a harmonious Christmas, but at least you won't be waking yourself up with the blue light of brain rot memes each morning.
Use nudge theory
Make it easy to do something else. Put a book by your bed, have newspapers on the kitchen table, or dig out that jigsaw puzzle that’s been gathering dust. Find a new hobby – isn’t it time you learned how to do a cryptic crossword? – Or take up an old one. Try and do 20 to 30 minutes of something creative every day – it will help build positive habits and develop the discipline needed to stay away from the black mirror.
