Tom Ballard has been in the business of telling jokes for nearly two decades. The Warrnambool-born comedian started doing standup as a teenager, before being recruited by the radio station Triple J , where he was paired with his friend Alex Dyson to present the breakfast show.
These days Ballard is a regular on our screens in a range of roles, from acting in the crime comedy Deadloch through to guest hosting the political talkshow Q&A. One particular TV appearance – the final episode of a quizshow – spawned an unusual gift from his partner.
Here he tells us about that cherished object and shares the stories of two other important belongings.
What I’d save from my house in a fire
A sloth-shaped plant holder. Not only is it adorable, it’s also imbued with sentimental and comedic value.
I met my partner, Harley, in early 2020. Around this time SBS aired the grand final episode of Celebrity Mastermind that I’d taped at the end of 2019, and Harley and his housemates decided we should all watch it together. Everyone was amused I lost that final (once again, congratulations, Mark Humphries, very happy for you), in large part due to my performance in the What Am I? round, during which I foolishly guessed “armadillo” when the correct answer was “sloth”. They laughed and laughed while I pretended to take great umbrage at their insolence.
A couple of days later Harley came over to my place bearing this pot plant as a gift: an eternal, loving reminder of my humiliating failure.
My most useful object
My sleek black fixie road bike. I bought it over a decade ago, it still works like a dream and it’s useful as hell.
I’ve never owned a car, and I enjoy nothing more than whizzing through the city on my metal steed, listening to music or podcasts (while still staying road safe, promise) and contemplating my life, the state of the world, or the future. If the right song comes on at the right time as I’m whooshing down a big hill, I’ve been known to burst out laughing because I’m so happy. I realise this probably looks insane to anyone else. But I don’t care!
The item I most regret losing
A few years ago I experienced a highly stressful couple of weeks in which I thought I’d lost my copy of Alan Marshall’s Australian bush fantasy novella Whispering in the Wind.
Not only was it a rare hardback edition of this brilliant story – it features a kangaroo with a magical pouch and a princess and a trip to the moon, so you should definitely check it out – it was also a gift from my third grade teacher, Judy Reed. Mrs Reed was one of those special teachers who help you fall in love with learning and imagination, and who stay with you forever. She always knew how much I loved listening to her read Whispering to our class, and 20 years after she had me as a pupil, after she had sadly passed away from cancer, I learned this remarkable woman had bequeathed her copy of the book to me.
So when it seemed like I had lost this thing in the process of moving house, I freaked out. Thankfully the book did eventually turn up and I felt such a powerful wave of relief, I had to sit down and have a little cry. Whispering now has pride of place on my bookshelf, and I promise I’ll never ever lose track of it again.
Tom Ballard’s show Good Point Well Made is touring from 22 March, including Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Canberra and Perth comedy festivals; see comedy.com.au for dates and tickets
