It is as time honored a seasonal tradition as the blooming of begonias and allium flowers: The NFL and its thirsty network of media partners are still trying to find someone to take on Hard Knocks. According to ProFootballTalk, the Commanders keep raising their hands, but even the most sadistic professional sports league on Earth isn’t willing to subject the viewing public to something so obviously horrendous.
It brings up an interesting question and follow-up question. First: What are teams so afraid of? Second: How have they not figured out how to do their time with the series gracefully and simply be done with it no worse for the ware? Not everyone has to be the 2018 Browns, for example, having their head coach and offensive coordinator passive aggressively undermining each other like a pair of territorial middle-managers. Not every team has to be subject to the curse of the docuseries, which so often automatically means its subject will miss the playoffs, or have enough meme-able content surfaced via HBO’s intrusive cameras to bury itself alive.
Attention, paranoid coaches and their unoriginal PR underlings: There is an answer. There are solutions. When Hard Knocks comes rapping at your door, don’t panic, don’t threaten, don’t cut a side deal with Roger Goodell, allowing him personal access to everyone’s DraftKings account. Just follow these three easy steps for a conflict-free summer of boring television, the kind you don’t have to run away from kicking and screaming.
