The 2021 Champions League final was not a classic. It was settled by the odd goal, slid into an empty net by Kai Havertz.
The highlights package is a nine-minute showreel of Timo Werner misses and last-ditch tackles on Manchester City forwards in the Chelsea box.
To all but Chelsea fans, European football’s second Covid showpiece was an utterly forgettable affair. And yet, with the appointment of its architect to the England post this week, it is about to get a whole lot of airtime.
At the final whistle in Porto, Thomas Tuchel dropped to his knees, the wire-frame in the Deloitte-boy gilet having upset the odds and Pep Guardiola as well.
The FA has not made Tuchel the new England manager solely because he led Chelsea to the Champions League three summers ago, but that triumph neatly encapsulates the ultimate vision for the 51-year-old’s reign.
The FA’s hope is that Tuchel will be the man to get this nearly-England “over the line” (a phrase he used three times during Wednesday’s unveiling), a coach good enough to find a way even if England come up against a superior Spain or a cannier Italy next time silverware is on the line.
When football’s greatest game is next played in New Jersey on July 19, 2026, the first German coach of England is desperate to be there, in a Marks & Sparks outfit, with a Three Lions baseball cap on his head and the World Cup in his hands.
Eyes on the prize
If the appointment of Tuchel was not in itself enough confirmation that, after steady progress under Gareth Southgate, England is in win-now mode, then the accompanying comments of FA chief Mark Bullingham made the point clear.
“Thomas and the team have a single-minded focus on giving us the best possible chance to win the World Cup in 2026,” Bullingham said. With a home Euros only two years beyond that, the laser-focus on a closer target is significant.
Much of the praise of Tuchel’s appointment led on the idea that he is a “proven winner”, which is true in so far as we have proof of him winning things: the German and French leagues and domestic cups, as well as the Champions League, European Super Cup and Club World Cup at Chelsea.
He has, though, also lost plenty: a Champions League final with Paris Saint-Germain, three domestic finals with Chelsea. He arrives as, most recently, a disappointment, having led Bayern Munich to their first barren season in a dozen years.
So, this is not prime Jose Mourinho, some silver-bullet coach whose presence is virtually guaranteed to drag failure across the line to gold. In tournaments, there are no such certainties.
“We will need luck,” Tuchel said himself. “We will need the momentum, not to have injuries and so on, little decisions within the games. That is a given.”
Where Tuchel excels is in putting his teams in positions to win.
No other PSG coach, for all the spending, has come as close in Europe. Seven semi-final wins out of seven at Chelsea made silverware feel an inevitability.
Having won two and then lost both finals under Southgate, England know there is no such thing.
In Tuchel, though, they appear to have the right man to keep them knocking on the door.
Forceful personality
Where Tuchel already exceeds Southgate is in stature.
Southgate grew to become the nation’s great sporting statesman, but Tuchel arrives with comfortably the grandest coaching reputation of any England boss since Fabio Capello.
Who, across world football, is held in higher regard? Carlo Ancelotti, Jurgen Klopp and Guardiola, for sure, but after that? Max Allegri, Diego Simeone and Mourinho are declining forces. Xabi Alonso and Mikel Arteta are heading the other way, but do not have the strength of CV yet.
At worst, Tuchel sits in a cluster of coaches just below that godfather trilogy, and ahead of the English contenders among his rivals for the post.
The FA will feel its coup lies in having nabbed the one Mercedes from a shortlist that, beyond the Batmobile pursuit of Guardiola, held only a fleet of admirable Mini Coopers of home source.
Reputation is only worth something, though, if it translates.
Tuchel’s record - and charisma - ought to give him the authority to look Jude Bellingham in the eye and tell him to move the ball, to warn Phil Foden that he might not play at all, or to take a half-fit Harry Kane off at half-time in a major final.
How Tuchel handles England’s biggest personalities and best players will go a long way to defining his tenure, as Lee Carsley has found even in his brief spell in interim charge.
Classy communicator
By the time Carsley’s accommodate-all approach to star power went belly-up against Greece last week, the ink on Tuchel’s 18-month contract was dry, going some way to explaining Carsley’s bizarre fudging of his own future plans.
Still, the episode emphasised the importance of communication in this job. Southgate was masterful in that element and leaves a high bar to clear.
During his time at Chelsea, though, Tuchel was renowned as a charming, articulate and, at times, genuinely funny man.
He dealt superbly with the repeated press conferences against the backdrop of Roman Abramovich’s forced sale and Russia’s war. He was not afraid to call out his own club’s supporters when some chanted the owner’s name during one show of solidarity with Ukraine.
As a non-native, Tuchel may be spared some of the societal musings demanded of Southgate, but his nationality will, however tedious the trope, provoke acutely awkward questions.
The sixth he faced in the job on Wednesday was about singing the national anthem. Just wait until someone is filmed chanting Ten German Bombers in Times Square halfway through the World Cup.
German journalists note that speaking in English, the Anglophile appears more relaxed and less confrontational than when cutting an abrasive figure in his native tongue at Bayern.
Friction with the club’s hierarchy was in keeping with the theme of a combative career, as Todd Boehly at Chelsea and Leonardo at PSG have found.
That there is no owner or director of football, nor transfer budget, to spark confrontation at England is no guarantee of harmony.
It is easy to forget that the FA, a relatively invisible body behind Southgate for eight years, has clashed openly with its own managers in the past and Tuchel is cut of fight-with-a-reflection cloth.
Coaching obsessive
If that is the man, then what of his team?
A one-time Guardiola acolyte, Tuchel has evolved into an pragmatic coach. Stylistically, he is not the grand departure from Southgate conservatism some urged, but is perhaps closer to what England need, if Carsley’s attempt to do without brakes against the Greeks is anything to go by.
Finding an attacking combination that works among so much talent will not be straightforward, but England’s defence, once imperious under Southgate, needs rebuilding as several of its stalwarts come towards the end.
Tuchel has experience of such tasks, turning Frank Lampard’s porous Chelsea into a team that conceded just twice beyond the group stage of their Champions League win.
Tactically, Tuchel adapts to resources, but then tends to stick.
At Chelsea, it was a back-three that proved so successful; at Bayern, he swayed from a four only once, in a failed bid to match Alonso’s Leverkusen last term.
His unchanging coaching obsession is with individual improvement, as some England players past and present can already attest.
Kane, who Tuchel wanted at Chelsea, scored 44 times under him at Bayern last season and the appointment has already been welcomed by the England captain, coming just as critics begin to ask seriously whether the time might be coming to move on.
Eric Dier, too, was reborn under Tuchel, while Reece James, Ben Chilwell and Mason Mount enjoyed some of their best Chelsea form during his reign.
All four will be optimistic today that their international careers might yet be revived.
