Victims of romance fraud conned out of thousands and left emotional wrecks are having their distress compounded by police telling them no crime has been committed and it is just “boyfriend trouble”.
Now two women who have been victims have teamed up to change perceptions of the crime in the hope of it being treated more seriously.
Cecilie Fjellhøy and Anna Rowe have set up LoveSaid to raise awareness and are fundraising to provide support programmes for victims.
Fjellhøy, who featured in the 2022 Netflix true crime documentary The Tinder Swindler, was conned by a man who went by the name of Simon Leviev and parted with $250,000 (£200,000) after his repeated requests for help with his security status as a “high-level diamond trader”, a fake job, which had been breached.
She and other women who were his victims were determined to catch him. Although he has served time in prison, Fjellhøy said he was allegedly operating scams again in Germany after his release.
Rowe was scammed by a man who she thought loved her as much as she loved him but who sexually exploited her. When she reported him to the police, she says they were initially dismissive. It took two years for them to take on the case.
She became an unofficial sleuth. She compiled a dossier of 16 other cases, including two rapes and one sexual assault, but she said a file on eight or nine of the cases was still under consideration by the Crown Prosecution Service.
According to data released by Lloyds Bank in February, romance scams increased by 30% last year with men making up 53% of cases and the 65 to 74 age group most likely to be targeted.
In October, City of London police published data for the last financial year from the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau saying they had received 8,036 reports of fraud resulting in a loss of more than £92m.
Fjellhøy says she is sometimes asked if she wants to be considered a victim of her scammer.
“Yes, fuck, I want to be viewed as a victim. After being told by police: ‘It’s not really a crime.’ If that was the treatment I got, and my case was really high profile, what will they do to others?”
Rowe says there is a particular kind of trauma associated with romance fraud. “You have an illusion of a relationship. It’s that soulmate connection that every little girl dreams of. What this man did to me was somehow give me confidence in myself. When I realised this guy never existed, it made me feel much worse. It’s double grieving.
“It’s not something you can get over easily. I’m seven years down the line now and the emotions are still bubbling under the surface. That’s why it is so important that long-term support is available for victims of these scams.”
Fjellhøy’s experience of falling in love was similar. “But the man I loved was never real. He faked everything. In a sense I still loved him – or the person I thought he was.”
Rowe says there is no typical victim of a romance scam. She has been contacted by thousands of people since she started to raise awareness about this crime.
“The youngest victim I’ve been in touch with is 16 and the oldest are in their 80s – both men and women, although men are less likely to come forward and speak publicly about what has happened to them.
“They come from a variety of backgrounds. The qualities they have in common are that they are kind, empathetic, trustworthy people and at the time of the scam they are situationally vulnerable. That’s when it can all go wrong.”
Fjellhøy and Rowe are keen to change the language around this crime. “Saying ‘you fell for a scam’ blames the victim. People don’t say ‘you fell for a rape’ or ‘you fell for a burglary’. No. Victims of romance fraud are targeted and exploited.”
While the situation for victims of romance scams is bleak, with both women saying they believe some people have taken their own lives as a result of the financial and emotional devastation they have experienced, things are changing.
“There’s no magic wand to fix this,” says Rowe. “But we know that when people in the upper echelons of the fraud authorities congratulate us and say they want to collaborate with us that they are serious about doing something about this.
“Cecilie and me, between us, can say: ‘This is what survivors look like.’
“If we get the right support, we come out as warriors. Those who want to help in this fight, I call the warrior army. Evil hasn’t won and we can’t let it win.”
Romance fraud in the UK can be reported to Action Fraud on 0300 123 2040 or at actionfraud.police.uk
