Nadia, 40
If we hear people are in the kitchen when we are having sex, we do it anyway. It kind of turns me on now
Eric lives in his studio in a shared, open-plan apartment, and when we first started dating over a year ago there was a problem because his room didn’t have a door, or a bed – he mostly sleeps in a hammock, though there is a sofa bed. It meant I felt we had to be very careful when we had sex in case other people saw us. After a while we made a curtain, which helps. If we hear people are in the kitchen when we are having sex, we do it anyway. It kind of turns me on now.
There is a 20-year age gap between us. I’ve had older boyfriends before but my experience has always been that after a couple of days of having sex, the frequency really goes down. I was always the one with a bigger appetite, but I don’t feel like this with Eric at all. Our libidos match.
We live in different cities and I spend one week at home, and one week with Eric. We don’t immediately have sex when we meet up. I need to be next to him, maybe lying in bed not talking about sexual things to help me feel connected. After that I start to crawl my fingers on his back, we kiss and that’s normally a sign.
We don’t tend to do a lot of oral sex. I feel some shame around it. I was raised in a Catholic family so everything about sex was forbidden. I didn’t have a lot of knowledge about it when I was younger, and because of that I’ve never been totally into it.
Though we do have a passionate and fulfilling relationship, I’m afraid Eric doesn’t like receiving oral sex from me – or he doesn’t feel that much from it, because he’s never come that way. I don’t feel that confident because I know Eric is very good at pleasuring himself when I’m not there, and I don’t think I can do it better than he can.
We’ve talked about it and he said receiving oral sex and hand jobs from me feels different to when he’s masturbating – that it’s a special, different feeling. I still don’t get the sense that I’m really good at them, but I’m trying. And we really like to talk openly, and are continuing to explore how to best give each other pleasure. There’s a lot of attraction between us, and a lot of love and care.
Callout
Eric, 61
I’m lucky because Nadia has an amazing libido and she loves sex
I don’t have a bedroom. I’m a musician and I live in my studio. Normally I just sling a hammock up to sleep. But if Nadia’s coming I put down the sofa bed. That works for me – we can have sex any time of day.
When we started dating a year ago I had not had a partner for four years. I became a master at masturbation. So I thought I was happy, but I missed the companionship.
I’m lucky because Nadia has an amazing libido and she loves sex. After we haven’t seen each other for a week, Nadia might just need a little time to settle down together so we talk a lot, and then we’re both ready for sex. We have quite a lot of sex for about three days, then it slows down.
I do love giving her oral sex but I think she has barriers in her mind about receiving it, which we’re working on. I don’t think she’s actually had an orgasm that way – maybe just the once. We’ve talked about it and I think she’s getting more comfortable with it, but I don’t know if there’s a hangover of shame from past partners. The other way around, she doesn’t give very good head. I have tried to work with her on that, but we haven’t got there yet. I mean, it’s still nice, it’s not unpleasant at all. I just find she’s doing too much.
I know she’s putting in a lot of lovingness, and so it’s very important for me that I don’t say things that would give her the impression it isn’t all really appreciated. And from my point of view, I don’t even have to have an orgasm, nor is oral sex important. I’m just very aware that as much as I want our conversations to be open, I have to be very careful not to say something that might be taken the wrong way. Ultimately, I’m so grateful for everything she brings me in our relationship. Our sex is very fulfilling and we’re both very happy.
