We have been subjected to dire warnings from the UN this week that the upcoming El Nino could be the hottest ever and will spark extreme weather, creating havoc around the world. It's a bit ironic that something with such an innocent-sounding name (Spanish for "little boy") could cause so much concern.
The El Nino report is not great news. It's hot enough in Thailand as it is, so we could really do without El Nino's assistance in making it even more steamy. Thankfully in this kingdom in recent weeks, after a long hot spell Jupiter Pluvius has once again come to our rescue with its supporting cast and chorus of thunderstorms which have been most welcome.
I must admit to enjoying rainstorms and also the distant rumble of thunder, but not the "flash! bang! wallop!" thunderclaps immediately overhead which can be quite scary.
The dog doesn't like them for a start and usually retreats to a nice safe spot under the table in the knowledge that if he looks at me with those doleful brown eyes long enough I might even give him a treat.
The thunder invariably reminds me of the English rock group Thunderclap Newman which enjoyed one huge hit in 1969 entitled "Something in the Air". The group was named after its keyboard player, Andy "Thunderclap" Newman who acquired his nickname from the thunderous way he played the piano. The Who's Pete Townshend played bass guitar on the song under the rather weird pseudonym "Bijou Drains".
Alas the band was a classic "one hit wonder", but the real scary bit is that the song is now 57 years old.
Sunny side up
I was brought up listening to BBC radio weather forecasts. More often than not the message was "outlook changeable" which when you think about it meant "we don't really know".
Another popular one was "scattered showers with sunny intervals" which was generally quite a safe prediction. There was one particularly miserable summer in the 1960s when a forecaster tried to cheer up everyone by announcing there was "a rumour of sun".
To be fair, weather in England can be extremely fickle. You can never be sure whether you are going to wake up to a wonderful sunny day with clear skies or a dreary drizzle which could last for days.
At least it provides a good talking point and backed up Dr Samuel Johnson's assertion that "when two Englishmen meet their first talk is about the weather".
I've always liked the comment from US film director George Axelrod who complained: "In England they always talk about the weather. But no one does a damn thing about it."
Rising damp
During my schooldays I didn't really need to listen to the official radio weather forecasts. Every morning at breakfast I would get an authoritative update from my parents. My mother always seemed to know if it was going to rain. She also had a wonderful expression "damping" when it wasn't quite raining but there was a lot of moisture in the air.
As you might expect in Britain every region has unique terms for describing the rain. I particularly like "plothering" which is a common description in the Midlands and Northeast. Then there is "mizzling" a Cornish expression for a steady light drizzle. One of the more fanciful expressions is "cow-quaker" used in rural areas when the rain is so heavy it makes the cattle shake.
We shouldn't leave out our Caledonian friends who have more than hundred different words for rain. Arguably the most common Scottish word for utterly miserable weather is "dreich" meaning wet, gloomy, bleak and any other depressing word you can dream up.
Then of course there is the celebrated authority on British weather Paddington Bear from "Darkest Peru", whose favourite expression for heavy English rain is "It's bucketing down".
Carry on droning
Last week's column included a passing reference to politicians "droning on" in boring fashion so it seems an appropriate time to give some of the historical culprits an honorary mention. Over the years the House of Commons in London has witnessed many politicians in active droning mode.
Someone who had no time for those who gave boring speeches was Sir Winston Churchill, although at times he could be a bit of a drone himself.
After one rambling speech by prime minister Ramsay MacDonald an unimpressed Churchill observed: "We know that he has more than any other man the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought."
On another occasion an MP was droning on when he spotted Churchill apparently dozing off. The MP made the mistake of asking him if he was asleep. Churchill quickly responded: "No, but I wish to God I were."
Boring for England
Someone who was a certified "droner" was Sir Anthony Eden, British PM from 1955–57. Despite being highly educated, public speaking didn't come naturally. UK journalist Malcolm Muggeridge once remarked of Eden: "He is not only a bore, but he bores for England."
For those who enjoy really long speeches the United Nations has always been a reliable venue. One of the most memorable was delivered by former Cuban president Fidel Castro who in 1960 famously addressed the General Assembly for four hours and 29 minutes. That's the same duration as three football matches.
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