Losing a spouse or parent can bring unbearable pain. At the drop of a hat, your life can be flipped upside down and clouded by a haze of grief. Your first impulse may be to bond with those who are also struggling and grow closer to them. Or, you might be inclined to completely distance yourself from your fellow bereaved family members.
After being treated coldly by his stepchildren, one widower reached out to the r/AITAH community to find out if he was wrong for selling his home and forcing them to find a new place to live. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared and a conversation with Martin Lock of Step Parent World.
Before losing his wife, this man was letting his stepchildren stay in his home for free
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (Not the actual photo)
But he’s decided that it’s finally time for them to find their own place
Image credits: ArtemVarnitsin (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: No_Competition7799
1,300 new stepfamilies form every day in the United States
We all know that marriage doesn’t always work out the first time. Whether it was due to growing apart, abuse or the tragic loss of a spouse, many marriages come to an end long before a person wants to live on their own for the rest of their life. Because of this, there are a wide variety of stepfamilies out there.
According to the Step Family Foundation, 1,300 new stepfamilies form every single day in the United States, and over half of American families are either remarried or re-coupled. It’s never too late to find love again! About half of first marriages end in divorce, but three quarters of those divorcees will remarry.
And of the 60 million kids in the U.S. under the age of 13, about half currently live with one of their biological parents and the partner of that parent. But despite how common it is to be a stepparent, the role is not always an easy one to fill. Kids might be resistant to letting another adult figure into their lives, and they might be bitter if they miss having their other parent around at all times.
To gain more insight into this topic, we reached out to certified stepfamily coach and creator of Step Parent World, Martin Lock. Martin was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss what the relationship between a stepparent and stepchild may be after losing a parent and spouse.
Image credits: Vidal Balielo Jr. (Not the actual photo)
“Any stepfamily that is going through this loss of a family member should pull together and support each other”
“I think it really depends on what relationship the stepparent and step children had before the passing of the parent. If they were a close knit family, then it would be very similar to a biological family, as this is how the family would function,” Marin shared.
“If the relationship between stepparent and stepchildren was never close, then it can be very different. People may blame each other and not be emotionally available to support each other,” the expert continued. “It can lead to a very difficult situation when it comes to things like, possessions, who gets what, money and even past memories which can turn return in a negative way.”
We also asked Martin if he had any advice for stepparents who are struggling to maintain a good relationship with their partner’s children. “Never give up on a relationship with your stepchildren. If your spouse was the glue holding your stepfamily together, can you step into the void? In this case, the children are adults which also gives them a sense of responsibility to be there for their stepparent, if they want to be,” he says.
Martin also noted that if they all want to keep their family together, communication is going to be vital. “Talk to each other and allow everyone to have their say. If this proves difficult, then seek outside help. Any stepfamily that is going through this loss of a family member should pull together and support each other. This is when you all need each other and being strong for each other and supportive.”
Image credits: Rosie Sun (Not the actual photo)
“Don’t stay in a family environment if it isn’t making you happy or you’re being disrespected”
Finally, the mentor shared some wise words for this particular father. “I would advise [him] to break free and have a fresh start if this is what he truly wants. If he still wants a relationship with his stepchildren, then now is the time to act. Time is a healer but can also distance people from each other if allowed to,” he noted.
“From what I have read, he has supported the children for a long time without much thanks. The stepchildren are all old enough to stand on their own two feet and support themselves. Maybe now is the time for them to show their gratitude by supporting him emotionally and as a father,” the expert continued.
“It’s a very tough situation for everyone involved and a very emotional time for everyone. Stand together and be a strong family,” Martin says. “If it’s a toxic situation, then get out and leave. Don’t stay in a family environment if it isn’t making you happy or you’re being disrespected.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man was right to sell his home and send his stepchildren on their way? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda piece discussing step-family drama, we recommend this article next!
Image credits: cottonbro studio (Not the actual photo)
Later, the stepfather provided a couple more details about the situation
Many readers agreed that the man had every right to sell his home
However, some thought he was being too harsh on his stepchildren
