Rachel, consultant plastic surgeon
“I was raped by a senior trainee in the ’90s. He groomed me with stories over weeks of helping me with my CV and getting a training number but that we would need to sit together to do that. He was confident, good-looking and popular, and bragged about his position, contacts and wealth. He was in every way a clone of what a successful man is perceived to be, or at least that was what we were raised to imagine and, sadly, are still told.
“By doing that, he found a way to invite me to his hospital accommodation flat on site. It was such a small room. I can still see it vividly: the way he hung his clothes in the cupboard, the window, the bed, and no space to really move around. We stood close to each other out of necessity, and I am embarrassed to say how naive I was. He turned to me and started kissing me. Then he pushed me on to the bed, turned me face down and raped me. I felt sick. I can still remember how he smelled. I dreaded seeing him in conferences.
“I blamed myself for years, and asked myself how I could have been so stupid. Afterwards, he gaslighted me with comments like: ‘God, you make it sound like I raped you but you came up freely’. He made me feel so small, so stupid, that I felt I had to somehow pretend nothing had ever happened.
“There was no way I felt I could speak up. It took years to talk about it, but only in close circles and never mentioning his name. I have felt ashamed and have spent all these years blaming myself, asking how I could have been so naive, such easy fodder.
“People don’t realise what an institutionalised closed shop surgery is. Too often it’s a safe space for men to act badly and assert dominance, because women feel that if they speak up, it limits their careers. It makes surgery a place that attracts certain personalities – charismatic, alpha males who nothing can touch. Even today, you need colleagues to speak well of you to progress.
“What’s needed is a truly independent body to allow women to speak up, action be taken and for those women to be able to seek independent help, so that our stories end with a small sense of justice and we all feel safe. The memory of sexual harassment changes everything. It must end.”
Sarah, former surgical trainee
“I am 50:50 as to whether my biggest mistake was trusting my assaulter or reporting it.
“I was a surgical trainee in general surgery and I knew that surgery was sexist and that sexual banter was common. You just had to let it wash over you.
“A more senior trainee kept asking me out. In 2020, I was on shift at the surgical assessment unit when he rushed in saying he needed to talk to me urgently. He didn’t want to talk in the corridor, saying it needed to be in private and took me to some nearby offices. He started kissing me and pushed me against the desk and groped me. I struggled, and at first he was able to prevent me from leaving, but I eventually managed to push him away and fled the room.
“I messaged my friends immediately in total distress. The next day I spoke to my surgical supervisor. He was meant to be my pastoral support, but he was completely useless, initially suggesting that the assault could be dealt with informally. So I then contacted the BMA [British Medical Association] who told me to find the trust’s sexual harassment policy. But my trust didn’t have a dedicated sexual harassment policy and the link to their dignity at work policy was broken.
“In the end, I emailed HR. Someone phoned back, but didn’t take any notes or escalate my complaint. They failed to suspend him and he continued to be allowed access to the hospital site, despite having been accused of another alleged sexual assault some days after attacking me.
“Six weeks after my assault, I finally had an interview with the investigating manager. I requested that she didn’t speak to my bosses because I was scared of repercussions. But the first thing she did, even before she spoke to the perpetrator was to talk to my bosses to ask if I was known to have inappropriate relationships – essentially if I did anything to encourage the perpetrator’s behaviour. When I heard about this, I made a formal complaint and asked that the investigator be replaced, but HR refused.
“More than 10 months later, the investigator concluded there was no case to answer, although this was subsequently changed after my employment tribunal claim, which found that I had been sexually harassed at work and that the investigation of my complaint also amounted to harassment related to my gender.
“It’s not surprising so few people report sexual misconduct. In my case everyone closed ranks and ostracised me.
“I am glad I got a judgment in my favour, but I lost my career because of what he did and what happened when I reported it. I’ve left the profession altogether and have been left with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.”
Names have been changed to protect identities.
As told to Anna Bawden
• Information and support for anyone affected by rape or sexual abuse issues is available from the following organisations. In the UK, Rape Crisis offers support on 0808 500 2222 in England and Wales, 0808 801 0302 in Scotland, or 0800 0246 991 in Northern Ireland. In the US, Rainn offers support on 800-656-4673. In Australia, support is available at 1800Respect (1800 737 732). Other international helplines can be found at ibiblio.org/rcip/internl.html
