When I meet people, one question I’m often asked is: “ Where are you from?”
I answer in different ways depending on who is asking and in what context, because that matters, but invariably my answer starts: “I was born in Nottingham.”
If they then ask: “Where are your parents from? What are your origins?” I answer: “From Kashmir, foothill of the Himalayas.”
As a non-white person in a country where 82% of the population is white, I’ve expected people to enquire about my heritage. And I love asking new people where they’re from. It can be an ice breaker, allowing someone to talk comfortably. I take genuine interest as a sign of selflessness.
But anyone who has experienced racism develops a sixth sense for knowing if this line of questioning is not for the benefit of the person answering.
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As an ethnic minority, I’ve had to bite my tongue, feeling embarrassed, humiliated and inferior.
My generation were told to “get on with it” and we did, allowing people to make faux pas, ridicule and dismiss us based on our skin colour. But when folk go beyond what is reasonably polite, it’s time to call out racism.
Ngozi Fulani, founder of Sistah Space, the only domestic abuse charity for women and girls of African and Caribbean heritage relayed on social media an encounter with Prince William’s godmother Lady Susan Hussey at a Buckingham Palace reception.
Lady Hussey asked where Mrs Fulani was from, and when she said “I’m British”, pressed on: ‘No where do you really come from? Where are your people from?’
Rightly offended, Mrs Fulani said afterwards: “I was the victim if you will, of an offence, of racism... I kind of felt trapped in that space.”
Am I surprised that an 83-yearold aristocrat made such remarks? No. Do I believe she intended to hurt? No.
I believe Lady Hussey was merely being inquisitive, and the language and manner in which she asked is down to her upbringing and culture.
We all have elderly family members who use terms or phrases that make us say something like: “Mum, you can’t say that nowadays, it’ll hurt someone’s feelings.”
I’m a modern parent born in the 70s and even I’m told by my kids I’m being sexist sometimes, or not inclusive if I haven’t mentioned all genders.
I don’t mean to offend – I just need educating. Racism in all its forms must be eradicated from our society, whether someone meant it or not.
Would anyone ask Lady Hussey, ‘Where are your people from?’
There needs to be educational and cultural change within Buckingham Palace. This kind of PR is damaging to an institution that represents many Commonwealth countries.
Lady Hussey shouldn’t have to resign – in fact, she wants to meet Mrs Fulani to apologise.
A reconciliation sends a positive message that while people will make mistakes, seeing each other’s point of view and apologising is a better way of moving forward.
