Until the 1980s and 1990s, bereaved parents of stillborn children were kept in the dark by doctors and midwives over the fate of their lost infants. Gina Jacobs was one of those parents. In 1969 her son Robert was stillborn and he was taken from her before she was able to see his face.
Fifty-three years passed before Jacobs tracked down Robert’s burial site, revealing not just his fate but also the lies told about his disposal. She has since helped families locate the burial site of more than 60 stillborn children and, with the support of parliamentarians, is calling for a formal government apology for what she and others argue was in effect official policy for disposing of stillborn children.
“He was whisked away,” recalls Jacobs from her home in Greasby on the Wirral. “I said ‘can I see him please?’. They said no, ‘we find people get over it quicker if they don’t see the baby’. So I didn’t see him, didn’t hold him, couldn’t name him. It’s like the memory of that face has been stolen from us.”
Her son was handed to her now deceased husband, Jimmy, in a cardboard box and he was instructed to take him on the bus to Landican cemetery on the Wirral where he would be buried in the same grave with whoever was being buried that day.
“That was an outrageous lie because they knew for a fact it wasn’t going to go in with anyone buried that day,” Jacobs says.
In 2022, Jacobs saw a television report about stillborn burials and decided to seek out Robert’s resting place. When she arrived at Landican cemetery – which she heaps praise upon for being so helpful and understanding – she was taken aback by what she was told.
“So when I went along and I was told he’s in with 63 other babies,” she says. “I said ‘no disrespect but that can’t be right, he’s in with someone buried that day’. And I was told ‘oh they told everybody that’.”
Up until the 1990s it was assumed that if a parent saw their stillborn baby and established any kind of connection with them, this would only deepen their grief.
Now, parents of stillborn babies are able to be as involved in decisions about what happens to their baby as they choose to be. Regulations were introduced in 2016 to ensure that parents’ wishes for the cremation of their children are respected. The regulations included a new statutory definition of what constitutes ashes or remains, and require cremation request forms to be amended so that a family’s wishes are explicitly recorded prior to any cremation.
One bereaved woman told Jacobs that a hospital consultant told her: “Plenty more where they come from.”
Jacobs said her generation accepted professional decisions without question but the toll was huge. “Emotionally it was horrific, I cried and cried for months. Mentally – you did not have anything ‘mentally’ then, oh woe betide you showed weakness – but I have heard of women who did have breakdowns.”
After sharing her experience on a private Facebook group, the now great-great-grandmother connected with the families of well over 60 stillborn children in the Birkenhead area and helped them find their burial sites.
“It’s been joyful. It’s been really joyful. I mean, just to say those words ‘your baby has been found’. It’s the most amazing, amazing thing, I can’t tell you, because people just can’t believe it.”
In some cases it has been a challenge but Jacobs remains modest about her efforts. “Without the help of the staff I probably couldn’t have done the detective work on my own. It was my aim for people to have a place to visit.”
Over the past 20 years, mass graves containing the remains of stillborn babies have been discovered in Lancashire, Devon, Middlesbrough and Huddersfield.
Bodies were added to Jacobs’ baby’s mass grave for at least 18 months from September 1968. It was 10ft deep. There was no plaque or headstone or marker.
She believes the sites she has found in the Birkenhead area are the tip of the iceberg and there must be thousands of babies in unmarked graves across the country.
“I can’t forgive them for the lie they told that stopped us seeing our babies,” she says.
She has the backing of the Wirral West Labour MP, Margaret Greenwood, in calling for an apology from the government. Greenwood demanded one from Rishi Sunak when she raised the issue during prime minister’s questions, and while he expressed sympathy and sorrow for the bereaved he stopped short of apologising.
Greenwood said: “It was 53 years before Georgina was able to locate the burial place of her son Robert. That she has since gone on to devote herself to finding the resting place of over 60 babies on behalf of other people is extraordinary. I raised Georgina’s case in parliament because I felt it important that she receive national recognition for the comfort that she has brought to so many.
“Georgina has told me that an apology from government would help her and so I do feel it is appropriate that the government should do that. I am sure it would help many other families too. The government should also provide information about how people can go about finding the burial places of their born-asleep babies so that anyone affected can take steps to find their final resting place.
“They should also provide information about how people can access bereavement support. No one should have to mourn the loss of a baby for decades without knowing where their baby is.”
Jacobs, who continues to reunite families with the resting places of their stillborn relatives as she approaches her 80th birthday, agrees.
“It’s nothing to do with compensation or money. Somebody should say we are sorry you were lied to about where your baby was going to be placed – or your sibling – and sorry that you weren’t allowed to see that baby’s face.”
A Department of Health and Social Care spokesperson said: “Our sympathies are with all the women affected. We expect all hospitals to provide as much information as they have available to any parents who inquire about what happened to their stillborn babies, no matter how long ago they passed away.”
