Tanya
We’ll start at the top with the character who dies. Poor Tanya. It seemed The White Lotus was created just for Jennifer Coolidge’s character to exist and it appeared that she would be the common thread for all future series of the show, too. It was not to be. Her fate was sealed when the overly charming Quentin took her to see Madame Butterfly, the opera in which a father and his daughter kill themselves. We had learned earlier in the series that Tanya’s father had killed himself, and so it seemed she was about to follow this fate. But why would she kill herself? Wasn’t she in fact being set up to be murdered by Quentin and his “high-end gays”? Who were actually poor gays and working in cahoots with Tanya’s husband Greg, so he could claim her money in the event of her death...
Trapped on a yacht and being encouraged by Quentin to take a dinghy to land by the mafia playboy Niccolo, Tanya realised the conspiracy after speaking on the phone to Portia. She locked herself in a bedroom with Niccolo’s bag. Inside was rope, duct tape, and a gun. Frightened and cornered, no one could have predicted what followed: Tanya conducting a near-farcical killing spree through the yacht as she gunned down Niccolo, Quentin and one of the others — with her eyes closed.
It was a hell of a mood shift for Tanya, as she went John Wick all of a sudden. Alas, escape was not to be hers, as to flee the boat, she leapt 10 feet down into Niccolo’s dinghy rather than use a ladder. She tumbled, struck her head on the side and drowned. Killing herself, as fate dictated.
Well, if Tanya had to leave the show, this was a hell of a way to do it. The show’s creator Mike White called it a “derpy” way to die, but it was also somehow resilient and as outrageous as you’d want from Tanya. Plus it had a great one-liner delivered to Quentin as he lay dying: “Is Greg having an affair?” Still fretting over her husband’s faithfulness amid the slaughter, this was a true Tanya moment.
Satisfaction rating: 9/10
Tanya turns Terminator. Then accidentally kills herself. Damn fulfilling. Although according to White, when they were filming her body being washed up on the shore, Coolidge kept saying, “Should we just do one take where I pull myself up on the shore? Just one?” Which would actually have been better.
Portia
Played by Haley Lu Richardson, Portia has been ridiculed online for her rubbishy, out-of-time fashion sense when having this is very much what Portia is all about. After all, she doesn’t have much cash to buy anything — she’s there working, and suffering, as Tanya’s assistant after all — and also has the same kind of childlike view of adventure and romance as the other characters. So the ‘gap-year-student-tries-to-get-into-a-super-club’ look is very fitting. Anyway, the arc of Portia seemed to be that she would somehow rescue Tanya. Taken away from her boss by horny Essex lad Jack (Leo Woodall, in fine form, singing West Ham songs and saying he was “going for a s***”, so as to reveal he might not be part of “uncle” Quentin’s upper-class family after all), leaving Tanya to her fate on the boat, up until the finale it seemed like she would escape Jack, Uber her way back to the town and intercept Tanya. Instead, Jack retained too much of a hold over her and Portia couldn’t quite muster up the courage to escape. But she still did save Tanya! (until Tanya killed herself). She can’t find her phone and suspects Jack of stealing it. Instead, she takes his phone while he’s doing the aforementioned “s***” (actually a plot hole — there’s no way anyone goes to the toilet without their phone these days), calls Tanya on the yacht and the pair swap notes and realise this is a conspiracy. While Tanya turns into John Wick, Portia has to evade Jack, which again she fails to do. Instead, she blurts out her fears about a plot to him, which he doesn’t take well at all. As he grows weirder, she still doesn’t run away, and instead allows Jack to drive her back to the town. Jack is not a small dude and could clearly kill her at any point. Instead, he simply drops her by a road near the airport and advises her to get away from the bad people he’s involved with. Then, he throws her phone out the window, producing a genuine moment of joy as she grasps it to her heart.
Our final encounter with Portia is at the airport with Albie, where she learns from him that “a guest has died”. She must know it’s Tanya but she curiously glosses over it, either worried about being caught up in what is presumably going to turn into a huge murder case, or just because she’s so Gen-Z that the death of her boss is only a small aside to her own ‘journey’.
Satisfaction rating: 4 /10
Portia has learnt nothing, other than perhaps to stick with wholesome American boys such as Albie — with whom she swaps numbers at the airport — and not dirty, smelly Hammers fans. A change of outfit or a smidgen of care for Tanya would not have gone amiss.
Cameron
Theo James pumped himself up and donned a prosthetic penis to play Cameron — and boy, was he good fun in the series as the ultimate, rich Alpha-dog, owning the space, sleeping with hookers behind his wife’s back, and generally being a toxic douchebag. In the finale, Ethan quizzes his wife Harper and discovers that Cameron made a big move on her, taking her up to their room after doing some shots and kissing her, until Ethan interrupted them. Cameron is confronted by Ethan as the big man is going big lengths in the sea. Many of us were convinced Cameron would be the one to die in this series, and this moment, taking place where a body was floating in the first episode flash-forward, seemed to be leading to the death of one of them. Instead, after a tussle, Ethan punches Cameron — who seemed to enjoy it given the way he floated off laughing.
The next we see of Cameron is coming down to dinner with his wife Daphne, where they spot Ethan and Harper. These two can’t believe it after everything that’s happened, but Cameron comes over with Daphne and proceeds to be friendly and make toasts and suggest more trips, as if nothing has happened.
Similarly, the last we see of him is hugging Daphne at the airport, happily continuing their mutual illusion of being the perfect, all-American wealthy couple.
Satisfaction rating: 7/10
Cameron was found out, by his wife, and his ‘friend’, but he is not killed and seemingly has gaslit everyone, including himself, to pretend nothing bad has transpired. Not as satisfying as seeing him brutally killed, nevertheless his fate fitted Cameron well: men like him tend to always operate unscathed. Oh, also a big round of applause to James for the bit where Daphne is speaking to their kids on the phone while Cameron is angrily flossing his teeth, immune to the sound of his children’s voices until he leaves the bathroom and switches on the smile: the guy’s an evil prick behind the mask.
Daphne
Fan chatrooms were convinced Daphne was the secret evil genius of the series and was going to kill her husband, Cameron, Ethan and Harper. Sadly not. But Cameron’s wife was perhaps the most surprising character in the show as she gradually revealed that there was more to her than just the airhead wife she seemed to pretend to be for the sake of the marriage. Perhaps the stand-out moment in the finale (well, aside from Tanya handing out gunishment) was the conversation between Daphne and Ethan on the beach. Ethan was fresh from punching Cameron and in a rage, when Daphne spotted him and called him over, which was the first time they had been alone together in the series.
Ethan told her what he suspected, that Cameron had made a move on Harper. After a moment of sickening realisation, Daphne smoothed things over for herself (in a brilliant piece of acting by Meghann Fahy), adjusting her face and letting Ethan in on her way of thinking: “do whatever you have to do, not to feel like a victim of life.” In other words, create your own reality and get your own kicks where you can — a pretty resilient philosophy, if also an ultimately tragic one. But still… those kicks. At this point, Daphne asks Ethan to accompany her on a walk to the island along the bay, which he does. We don’t see what transpires there, but we can assume it was some kind of sexual encounter; a little bit of sweet revenge on Cameron and Harper, or rather just a chance for Daphne to illustrate her point that you can’t know everything about your partner — and nor should you, you need mystery.
With Ethan given his own secret encounter with Daphne, he can resolve some of his resentments to his wife. As for Daphne, at the airport it was just back to her normal life; her messed-up, emotionally bruising and almost fictional normal life with Cameron.
Satisfaction rating: 8 /10
No murdering for Daphne, but she owned much of this episode and actually saved both marriages with her outlook and actions. Whether both marriages should be saved is another matter entirely.
Ethan
Beta tech bro Ethan was a quietly resentful, introverted “original incel” for much of the season. However, by the last episode he was raging and on the hunt for the truth from Harper about being in the hotel room with Cameron. She dismisses it as a drunken moment where nothing really happened, but Ethan says, “He still tried to f*** my wife.” A Man Line has been crossed and he needs to deal with it like a Man should. Cue him trying to drown Cameron, almost getting drowned himself, then delivering a punch to Cameron’s face, which doesn’t really work either. Cameron laughs about it while Ethan is more in a rage than ever. It takes the pep talk — and pep sex? — from Daphne to shake him out of his funk.
But that done, we see him back in the hotel room as Harper enters — and then he finally makes a move on her to initiate some sexy time. This is a big breakthrough as Harper had called him out for not being attracted to her any more and preferring to watch porn on his laptop. Now, the spark was reignited and at the airport the couple were clearly loved-up. So what was the psychology here? How had Ethan changed his mentality? Not by unleashing his male rage and settling his rivalry with Cameron, or by wringing out the truth from his wife. But by experiencing his own ‘mystery’ moment with Daphne, to match his wife’s with Cameron — as series creator White put it: “The dalliance…allows Ethan to let go of the jealousy that has been brewing with him. It kind of brings back that first kind of sexual charge that happens in the beginning of relationships and sometimes fades away over time.”
Satisfaction rating: 6/10
Ethan learns the best way to deal with jealousy… is to sleep with someone else. Hmm, ok. Well, this is a TV drama, not couples counselling.
Harper
Who didn’t love Aubrey Plaza as Harper, the brooding antithesis of the fake, cheery oblviousness of Cameron and Audrey? Her angry toast eating was one of the series’ highlights. Anyway, in the finale, she didn’t have a great deal to do other than to tell Ethan the truth about what happened with Cameron and to have sex with Ethan after he’s resolved his little issues with the help of Daphne. Still, she got what she seemed to want: her husband to show some desire for her. Even if we’d have preferred some kind of major showdown with Daphne.
Satisfaction rating: 3/10
One of the best characters was a little underused in the finale, although this too was ineviable. Essentially she did nothing wrong except have to suffer at the hands — or lack of hands — of the men around the table. And it seems that will continue, unless Ethan has completely changed as a human. Her fate is not her own for as long as she’s in that marriage, it seems.
Albie
The youngest of the Di Grasso men on holiday to trace the family’s Sicilian roots, Albie represents a nicer future for masculinity, at least in contrast to his father, Dominic, and grandfather, Bert. And yet, he becomes resentful when he is rejected by Portia in favour of Essex sex god Jack, and hooks up with the escort, Lucia (who, unbeknown to him, his father has already paid for sex with). Albie is nice, so he falls quickly for Lucia, who says she really really likes him and would like to go to Los Angeles with him, but she owes 50,000 euros to her pimp and is in too much trouble. The last episode involves Albie asking his father for that money so he can help Lucia out. He insists the money is nothing to his rich dad and if he does it, Albie will put in a good word for his dad with mum, who had grown tired of Dominc’s infidelities. They reach an accord, and Albie tells Lucia she has the money and is free to escape with him. She embraces him and they spend the night together. In the morning, she scarpers. Albie! Oh, dear, that was always going to happen, sunshine.
The last we see of him is at the airport with his grandfather and father. When an attractive young girl walks past, each of them turns to look at her, including Albie. Despite mocking the older’s men’s yearning for “the salad days of the patriarchy”, it appears he has not escaped from his genetic horndog destiny.
Satisfaction rating: 6/10
It was good to see Albie getting fleeced in this way. He was basically asking for it with his own fantasy about the ‘hooker with a heart of gold’. As to whether he’ll get together with Portia, well, you can’t imagine that will provide any new way of living for him. At least he and his father had a chance to say “I love you” to each other: nice to see how messy business with a prostitute can bring men closer.
Dominic
Michael Imperioli has said of his own ending as Dominic as “a ridiculously happy ending. Like, I paid 50 grand so my son could help this hooker that we both slept with and he kind of smooths things over with his mum — my wife — and we love each other now and eveything’s OK. Compared to what happens with Tanya, its very subtle, but it’s very twisted, actually.”
Say no more.
Satisfaction rating: 6 /10
It would have been nice for a more dramatic, Sopranos-style send-off. But actually, for this messed-up family of men, this fits. Being blackmailed by your own son and being proud that he showed some guts and did such a thing… now that’s fatherhood clutching at straws.
Bert
As Bert, the waitress-bothering elder ‘statesmen’ of the Di Grasso’s, F. Murray Abraham didn’t have a great deal to do in the finale — except for delivering its best line. Summing up the problem with the men in his family, he says, “Our Achilles’ heel, is an Achilles C***.”
Satisfaction rating: 7 /10
Bert’s too old to change or be brutally killed, so a penis-based one-liner is about as good as it gets.
Lucia
This used to be called the ‘tart with the heart’ role and it seems such cliches around the lives of sex workers linger. Except that in the finale, her victim of the trade line to Albie was just a con. The pimp on her trail for 50,000 euros was no such thing, and it was a mere ruse to get Albie to sort out some cash for her. With the money wired from his dad’s account to Lucia’s, she became the big winner of the series (bar, perhaps, Tanya’s husband Greg, who we didn’t see). The thing is with Lucia, played with effervescence by Simona Tabasco, she was full of life and fun and actually cared for her friend Mia. So she deserved to be rooted for. Despite her con, her trade, she refused to be a victim and instead has transformed her life. So what if some rich Americans were conned out of money? They can afford it, and hell they wanted the fantasy of being successful desirable men that they wanted. Yeah, Lucia won, all right.
Satisfaction rating: 9 /10
She was the heart and soul of the season — which, since she was an exploitative hooker, gives you an idea of the black heart and soul of The White Lotus — so it was great to see her happy, joyous and successful in her final image. This kind of undermined the idea that money was not a route to happiness in the rest of the show, but maybe she has to learn that for herself.
Mia
Lucia’s co-conspirator, and, well, friend. In a series where friendship is mostly on the verge of a murder, Mia and Lucia stood out as genuinely caring for each other. Lucia no doubt would share the wealth with Mia at the end, but also Mia had bagged the singing gig that her talent demanded. Of course, with sex and desire at the forefront of season two, it meant she had to sleep with hotel manager Valentina to get the singing gig in the bar, but she did so with a warmth that left Valentina beaming and so this didn’t feel like too much of a manipulation. Again, with so many grotesques around, Mia looked positively innocent. Even though she gave a man MDMA and nearly shagged him to death.
Satisfaction rating: 8 /10
We wanted Mia to be happy, or at least not in jail. Job done.
Valentina
The hotel manager played by Sabrina Impacciatore in season two could never hope to compete with Murray Bartlett’s hotel manager in season one. And nor did she try. Instead, Valentina was her own character, a woman who ran the hotel with a steely heart, while trying to suppress her feelings towards one of the front-desk team and her fiance, and her own sexuality. Mia gives her the first lesbian experience that she desires and in the finale, Valentina restores her front-desk team and gives Mia the job as bar singer full time. Sure, this is a compromised move but Mia is genuinely better than the creepy old singer — and why can’t Valentina be happy? Mia tells her she and Lucia will take her to a lesbian bar and find her a hot girlfiend, and you believe this will happen. For the women left behind in Sicily then, none of whom are tied to a man, it should be noted, the future is left a hell of a lot brighter than the Americans who are leaving.
Satisfaction rating: 7
