The Question
How do you get rid of the hiccups?
Talking Points
- Donald Trump seizes the initiative in East Palestine, Ohio
- Jimmy Carter enters hospice care
- Forced climate migration already underway in the US
- Ozy Media's Carlos Watson arrested on fraud charges
- Mastercard's Ajay Banga tapped for World Bank role
- Britain still losing it over Northern Ireland protocol
- Eskom after receving a $14bn bailout: still broken
- Palestinians civilians shot in the back in Nablus raid
- Iran enriches uranium to a military grade
- Thailand moves to dissolve parliament for a May vote
Deep Dive
Friday marked a year of land war in Europe. The conflict is going nowhere fast. The blanket coverage of politics and punditry is good fodder for media outlets but has warped our understanding of the conflict. What is the shape of the war?
The master plan
In the wee hours of the 24th of February last year, Russian President Vladimir Putin gave the order to launch a "special military operation" in neighbouring Ukraine. The sky over the frontline in the breakaway oblasts of Donetsk and Luhansk — positions mostly static since 2014 — lit up something biblical as unguided rockets screamed overhead. Cruise missiles thumped into significant targets in the capital. 100,000-odd Russian soldiers began crossing the border. Even members of Putin's inner circle were stunned by the decision: it had been devised by just a tiny handful of his closest military advisers. But he had form there: the decision to seize Crimea in 2014 was sealed in a conference of four. And that had been an unalloyed success for the irredentist movement in Moscow.
This invasion plan was simple: tie up the bulk of the Ukrainian armed forces with simultaneous assaults in the north, east, and south, while a huge column of armour races to Kyiv. Shock and awe bombings. And airborne assault troops. The authors of the strategy believed that the Ukrainian government would capitulate in three days. There is, for those willing to do the research, ample literature on the subject. Robert Burns, for one, "But Mousie, thou art no thy-lane / In proving foresight may be vain / The best laid schemes o' Mice and Men / Gang aft agley / An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain / For promis'd joy!" Or, Mike Tyson, for a modern touch, "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth".
The plan failed catastrophically. It was too fast. The troops were too few. An entire invasion predicated on the idea that Ukraine's general staff had not learned any lessons since 2014. As you read this, the three-day blitzkrieg has entered its 366th day. The encirclement of Kyiv broke apart in the killing fields of Bucha and Irpin. Air-superiority was never achieved. Even now, Russian bombers peel off well short of the border and their strike helicopters remain hamstrung. Advances were blunted and turned back at Izium in the north, and Mykolaiv in the south. Having failed in his initial objective, Putin shifted his attention to the Donbas. Having gone to partial mobilisation — something that should have been done on the first day of the war — Russia is now pressing on the remaining pockets of the breakaway region with an unfathomable weight of artillery and manpower. But narrowing the scope of the invasion has not magicked the results either.
The frontline today
We are starved of vetted information. There are certainly embedded reporters on either side, but these are hardly reliable narrators. Actual battlefield losses remain a mystery. Given the difficulty of factually reporting the conflict, news organisations have returned to the comfortable world of perceptions. Analysts chide analysts, ex-spooks augur darkly, politicians shoe-horn in historical precedents, and news anchors utter daily that vacuous phrase: a turning point in the war . Let's step outside the discourse momentarily, to survey the battlefield from the only source we have: eagerly disseminated helmet cam and drone footage. There may be no atheists in foxholes, but there are influencers.
We watch the war from a drones-eye view. Bakhmut is now a shattered ruin dusted in white snow. Most buildings on the east bank have been matchsticked by constant artillery fire. Russian mercenary troops have fought across the nearby plains and woods at enormous cost, and are now entering the city. Footage reveals a daily ritual: a detachment of Wagner troops races forward into the levelled city and bunkers down in a house , only to be shredded by the auto-cannon of a Ukrainian BMP . These modest, probing assaults are despatched and obliterated every day. Small offerings.
In any other era, a forward spotter would be needed to dial in artillery fire. But today a drone simply hovers over advancing soldiers and deliver coordinates with devastating accuracy. This is the actual war. And it falls far short of heroism as yet another shell disassembles a group of soldiers hiding in a tree line. Survivors try to run and make it across an open field to another windbreak. But an unhurried drone has plotted their escape. Another shell thunders in. One or two may crawl out — injured and covered in the remains of their squad. But another shell finishes them off in a freezing field. It is difficult viewing . But, we'd argue, absolutely critical for anyone who wants to be informed.
We have been robbed of an honest account of the war. Not by the phenomena of well-publicised handshakes and soaring rhetoric. But by the taking of lives in scarcely imaginable volumes. And the status quo might continue unabated along the grinding frontline. Given the predispositions of both invader and defender, this does not look like the year this war will end.
Worldlywise
Winners and Losers
📈 American justice
We must note a rare W for what is widely perceived as a joke of a legal system. This week a district court judge slapped down the frankly obscene attempt by 9/11 families to lay claim to $3.5bn in assets that the US has stolen from Afghanistan's central bank. It's all a little misguided anyway given the actual culpable party is Saudi Arabia.
📈 Wheedling pedants and culture warriors
It's been a huge week for people with annoying opinions. The whole Roald Dahl furore has been a Bat Signal for those who you'd rather not hear from. On one hand, the scarifying updates to these beloved — if a little old in the tooth — children's books is coddling at its worst. There is much to be learned from outmoded and disagreeable texts. On the other hand, the conservative backlash against these edits is pure pearl-clutching: this isn't some Cultural Revolution revisionism! Enough bleating: it's time to come together and enjoy a nice Toor Dahl instead.
📉 The Lancashire constabulary
The extraordinary disclosure of Nicola Bulley's private details by the police while investigating her disappearance has prompted two inquiries into the local cop shop. The 45-year-old's remains were discovered this week downstream of her last sighted location in St Michaels on Wye. The Lancashire bobbies are already under investigation over gross misconduct pertaining to another young mother who had gone missing. The entire affair has been a media circus (not helped by the TikTok sleuths who poured into the town).
📉 Bao Fan
Bao Fan is Icarus and Beijing is the sun.
Highlights
The Image
Not to be outdone by Riyadh, the Japanese have unveiled their own Mysterious Shape: a metal orb à la plage. Photo supplied by NHK.
The Quote
"[I'm] very, very sorry..."
– An art appreciator in Miami was left mortified after smashing a Jeff Koons sculpture worth $42,000. Onlookers report that the curious individual tapped the blue glass animal to test whether it was a balloon. It was not.
The Numbers
54 unpaid days
- New figures from the Trades Union Congress in the UK reveals that women are working the equivalent of two months for free . The average income for women in Britain is £29,684 a year compared to £35,260 for men. When they say work smarter not harder, they don't mean be born a man.
5 paid days
- In other labour force news from the nominally United Kingdom: the world's largest study of a four-day work week has been a resounding success. 31 companies across a variety of sectors offered their staff a 32-hour work week with no reduction in pay in the second half of 2022. 56 of them are continuing the program. There was a significant reduction in stress, burnout, and staff churn. At the same time the companies reported a 35% increase in revenue against H1.
The Headlines
"Beatles and Rolling Stones reportedly collaborating on new album" — The Telegraph . Please don't get the oldies agitated.
"Can Any Amount of Money Turn the Tide on Global Fertility?"
— Bloomberg . Yes: less of it.
The Special Mention
Our award for 'Courage Under Fire' goes to the author of the NYT piece , 'For Perfectly Cooked Rice Every Time, Try Your Microwave'. Braver than the troops.
The Most-Read Article
'I Never Truly Understood Fox News Until Now'
The Best Long Reads
- The Atlantic catches a cold
- Foreign Policy logs onto TikTok
- Financial Times takes a hit of fent
Thomas Wharton
Senior Editor
The Answer...
You can drink water upside down. You can say 'pineapple'. You can place metal implements on the back of your tongue. There are countless home remedies for curing hiccups and they all work to an extent. Despite the dearth of research into hiccups it is clear that placing the diaphragm under pressure can relieve the annoyance. But there is one method that works every time and it starts with a deep breath in .
