Last Monday, the Conservative government announced plans to scrap the water pollution rules that protect rivers from environmental damage caused by nearby housebuilding. Some people accuse Sunak’s government of being a zombie government, trapped by infighting and incompetence in legislative inertia, incapable of seeing any task through. This is unfair on zombies who, given enough time, often overwhelm shopping malls, eat people’s brains, or fight sharks underwater. If a barely sentient zombie can do all this, it makes the Conservative’s failure to Stop the Boats ™ ® and Get Brexit Done ™ ® seem even less impressive.
But during their time in office the Conservatives will at least have achieved the comprehensive choking to death of our pesky seas and rivers, once teeming with unruly life, providing leisure opportunities to ungrateful peasants, and offering employment opportunities to the ne’er-do-wells who don’t vote Conservative – surfboard hire operators, conservationists, and a Spanish hippy who sits at the prow of the boat on a cruise round Camden Lock, serenading you relentlessly with detumescent Neil Young covers on a nylon-stringed acoustic guitar.
