With an 80s update of Van Eyck’s Arnolfini Betrothal on the cover (him: beret and baggy trousers; her: turquoise jersey turtleneck dress, Michelle Fowler from EastEnders ‘do and stripy tights), the Observer’s investigation into the state of contraception on 20 January 1985 offered the possibility there might be a new phase of sexual liberation in keeping with the times just around the corner.
Given how little has changed even in 2023, it’s no surprise to see reality was less exciting. Pill use was declining after a decade of health scares, culminating in two 1983 studies in The Lancet highlighting increased breast cancer risks. Meanwhile, men had been put off vasectomies by fears about vasectomised monkeys with clogged arteries, despite a large-scale study showing post-vasectomy humans were ‘just as healthy as other men’. So, who was doing what? UK survey results showed 27% of respondents were still on the pill and 15% used condoms, fewer than the 22% who used ‘no method’. The result of all this winging it was ‘more than 200,000 unplanned babies’ every year.
What hope could science and technological progress bring? A survey of newly available methods (featuring distressingly frequent deployment of the word ‘lovemaking’) set out the pros and cons of each. For all their drawbacks, ‘Hi-tech sponges’, ‘Revamping the cap’, ‘Super spermicides’ and a ‘hassle-free diaphragm’ were all probably a better bet than the suggested return of ‘Vatican Roulette’, even with a possible hi-tech twist: the alarming-sounding £3,000 ‘Ovutime Tackiness Rheometer’ to monitor cervical mucus.
A look to the near future gave more hope that the flying-car equivalent of contraception might be within reach. Would the 1990s bring vanishing biodegradable implants, sperm-duct plugs, vaccines or, finally, the elusive pill for men? Looking back from this era in which TikTok influencers try to excite panic about hormonal contraception and conservative Christians in the US seek to rebrand IUDs as ending pregnancy… Unfortunately, we know the answer.
