A masterpiece new entry for the dictionary of political quotes, as a Labour MP told the Guardian yesterday of the party’s leadership options: “We have to face up to the fact that every single one of them is fucking useless.” Anyway, come on in and experience chaosmaxxing with the governing party! Let’s take a look at the runners, riders, loose horses and horse traders who just want Keir Starmer to go and live on a farm. This is a fast-moving situation, so please don’t worry if something different seems to have happened to him by the time you read this column. Apparently the van you saw is owned by a vet who had simply failed to repaint it. Although one thing we absolutely must insist on the death of in the hours/days/weeks ahead is the catchphrase “I get it”, or the observation of another hopeful that he or she “gets it”. At this rate, the only thing people will be interested in many of this lot getting is hantavirus.
The language in general is unconvincingly exquisite. Behold, people asking delicately for an “exit timetable” when what they really want to do is get the PM on the first train to Eff Off For Ever. Some cabinet ministers have reportedly discussed how Starmer could take “a responsible, dignified, orderly” approach to departure, to which the only answer now is: get a time machine, buddy.
