Many of Kathleen Saxton’s clients only realise they were brought up by a narcissistic parent when they are older. Saxton, a psychotherapist, says that the truth may come with starting a relationship, meeting their partner’s family, and seeing they are nothing like their own. “Or they have family themselves, and think, ‘I would never do that to my own children.’ Sometimes it takes us until we’re in our 30s or 40s to realise that something was not OK.” Her oldest client is in their 70s and “has finally dealt with the fact they’ve got a narcissistic mother, who is still alive, and how it’s affected them all through their life”.
Saxton hopes her new book, My Parent the Peacock, will help people to recognise, and recover from, a narcissistic parent. They might have grown up being controlled, in an environment where love was conditional, gaslighting was common, and they were often blamed, belittled and criticised. Their parents’ needs came above their own, and their mother or father was emotionally exploitative. The consequences of these experiences may have continued into adulthood.
