Here’s a sequel to a spin-off of a sequel with no reason to exist except the most baldly commercial: the Conjuring Universe is the highest grossing horror franchise of all time and 2018’s The Nun is its most lucrative film yet. So demon nun Valak is back, apparently on an unholy pilgrimage across 50s France, and only Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) can stop her.
But Valak, with her chalky white Marilyn Manson makeup and tendency to pop up like a 2D-plywood target in an old-fashioned carnival game, still isn’t scary. Not even a little bit. Farmiga does make for a glowingly virtuous hero nun, especially now aided by spunky Storm Reid, but they’d be better off swapping the rosaries for roundhouse kicks and hiding a pair of Uzis under their habits. Alas, aside from one marvellous set piece at a magazine stand, The Nun II’s mid-century design is tasteful to the point of tedium, and a disgrace to the good name of 70s-era nunsploitation. That really is the gravest sin.
