IT’S ABOUT THAT TIME
Welcome to football’s silly season, the hinterland between the end of last season and the beginning of the next. With nothing to do but peruse glacier-like transfer developments around Declan Rice and Mason Mount, the general public are becoming increasingly feral. Those glory days of watching actual football or even Jack Grealish seem light years away, and now they have to make do by following Phil Foden’s son on Instagram. No, really (1.4m followers and counting).
At Big Website HQ, The Man and tea-timely emails are scrambling around for the whiff of the next story. Things are getting increasingly desperate. Football Daily is learning Japanese to prepare for the midweek J-League fixtures. “Bring back Small Talk,” somebody suggests. “You can’t beat quality content like asking Mark Lawrenson what his favourite biscuit is,” chimes another, slightly hysterically – Blue Riband, obviously. Out on the streets/keyboards, things aren’t much better. With little else to do, some “fans” have found the next big thing to be furious at: footballers on holiday.
“Bunch of reptiles,” tweets one choice account at a snap of Kai Havertz, Mateo Kovacic and Andreas Christensen, who are innocently enjoying some downtime at Kepa Arrizabalaga’s wedding after a long, hard, extended season. Arsenal’s Fábio Vieira is told, in no uncertain terms, to stop taking a cute selfie with his pregnant partner and “go and eat some red meat and eggs”. Everton boss Sean Dyche is told to sort out their transfer dealings from his tent at Glastonbury. Pictures circulate of Kevin De Bruyne relaxing poolside with Virgil van Dijk and Nathan Aké, with some people left inconsolable that the Belgian might have a relationship with anything but Erling Haaland’s left boot.
The Women’s World Cup can’t come quickly enough, a welcome tonic of first-class action to cleanse us of this particularly putrid form of internetting. The world’s best footballers on the biggest stage, here to save us from ourselves? Yes please. Lauren James whipping one into the top bins? Here’s hoping. In the meantime, it’s time to go outside. Why chastise your favourite footballers, when you could emulate them by leaving the house. Get out in the sun, pour yourself a drink and … ah.
CRAIG BROWN (1940-2023)
In the spring of 1986, Craig Brown – then a college lecturer and part-time manager of lower-league Clyde FC – got an unexpected phone call at work. “The secretary said a Mr Ferguson was looking for me,” he recalled years later. “I thought it was Ally McCoist winding me up!” When Brown called back, Alex Ferguson offered him “the holiday of a lifetime” as part of his Scotland coaching team in Mexico for the World Cup. After wangling a month off work, Brown flew out and the rest is history. He stayed on as an assistant and youth-team coach, then got the top job in 1993, staying at the helm for eight years and presiding over a golden era in which Scotland reached Euro 96 and the 1998 World Cup, as well as beating England at Wembley in 1999. Beloved by the Tartan Army, he is still the men’s team’s longest-serving manager and will be remembered as one of Scotland’s finest coaches. RIP.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“This is too much. This has been like being involved in one of the most beautiful movies. It’s wonderful to have [Lionel Messi] here. I apologise to your family, Leo, that you had vacations and stayed a couple more days, I’m very grateful that you always said yes to me. I am lucky to have you here. It is unforgettable. I hope you had a great time. I love you very much” – nine years after his last appearance, Juan Román Riquelme finally gets his testimonial from Boca Juniors and, such is his pulling power, he kept the Messi family off the beach for it. He got quite the reception, too.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Re: Friday’s Football Daily. Forgive my flamin’ Antipodean cynicism, but it does seem a bit, ahem, rich for you guys to claim ‘we care, we notice and we wish you all the best’ about players in the lower leagues, when almost every syllable you write during the course of the season is about your ‘favourite Fifa star [who] jumps on a private plane to move to another club to earn another gazillion pounds’” – Nick Shimmin (remote Morecambe fan, who believes there should have been a Cole Stockton story every second week last season).
Re: the misprinted Arsenal shirt (Wednesday’s Quote of the Day). May I point out the accrued long-term value of certain stamps and coins that have been similarly misprinted. Given that club shirts are now sold in such prodigious numbers that, after a half season of wear they become as valuable as an old cleaning rag, perhaps Arsenal have spotted a way to give their latest version some provenance. Kids, get your Emirates idol to sign one of these and turf it to the back of your wardrobe. In 50 years time, voila! Retirement paid for. Or not” – Rod de Lisle.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our letter o’ the day is … Rod de Lisle, who bags a copy of Against All Odds: the Greatest World Cup Upsets. We’ve two more to give away so get typing.
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