RODRYG … OH
Congratulations to Pep Guardiola, who has made the shortlist for April’s Premier League manager of the month award! The other names in the running are Brentford’s Thomas Frank, Burnley interim Mike Jackson and Jürgen Klopp of Big Cup finalists Liverp … oh Pep. Oh City. How on earth has it come to this? Overturning that two-year European ban will feel like the mother, father and extended family of pyrrhic victories right now.
Ah well, at least the experience will stand City in good stead going forward. Right? Eh? And what an experience it was. City, who could easily have been 4-0 up after 20 minutes of the first leg, could easily have been 4-0 up on Wednesday night after Riyad Mahrez’s seemingly tie-settling strike was followed up by a late Jack Grealish and Joao Cancelo-inspired salvo on the Real Madrid goal. But Ferland Mendy (spectacularly) and Thibaut Courtois (twice) got in the road, and with the score on the night remaining 1-0 to City, Madrid had more than enough time left, over 84 seconds in fact, for Rodrygo to find the two goals they needed to draw level.
Throw in Karim Benzema’s winning penalty after just five minutes of extra time, and City conceded three goals in just six of your officially-sanctioned Uefa minutes. It’s the latest entry in an increasingly long list of Keystone Studios-approved krazy kwickfire kontinental kollapses under Pep. City first lit the light-blue touching-cloth touchpaper in 2017, conceding twice in eight minutes in defeat by Monaco. They shipped three in 19 the following year at Anfield, two in three against Spurs a year later, and two in eight to Lyon in 2020. To be fair, they would surely have won the final last year had Antonio Rüdiger not rearranged Kevin De Bruyne’s face into a cubist masterpiece, but they were back to their usual antics on Wednesday, and the entire data set suggests City aren’t helping themselves very much here.
While it’s also true that City aren’t the only team Real have knocked out with a late sucker-punch during their run to the 28 May final with Liverpool – PSG and Chelsea have also had their second-half shorts laundered, neatly pressed and handed back to them – these events were of a different dramatic stripe altogether. As the hosts cavorted around the Bernabéu with shirts proclaiming “Go for the 14”, Pep trudged off wearing a wan, thin-lipped smile, most of the colour drained from his face, a thousand-yard stare on full beam. “We need to process it and lift the players back,” he said, trying his best to move on before Sunday’s crucial Premier League visit of Newcastle. That’s either going to end 8-0 or a late smash-and-grab 1-2, isn’t it?
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It is like a derby for me because I am still an Evertonian” – Carlo Ancelotti, possibly not bringing the ideal mentality to Big Cup final, on tackling Liverpool in Paris.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Get your ears around the latest Football Weekly Extra. And while we’re at it, Max, Barry and the pod squad are going back out on tour. Tickets to live shows in June and July are available here – there’s even a new date added in Dublin – so get buying.
RECOMMENDED BOOKING
A New Formation: how Black British footballers shaped the modern game. Tickets are now available for the live event, featuring Jonathan Liew, Andrew Cole and Hope Powell.
FIVER LETTERS
“There will no doubt be a lot said about Pep’s substitutions but I say it was a masterstroke to remove Kevin De Bruyne before he could knack himself by running face-first into an opposing player. And now he’ll be fresh for their 1-1 draw with Newcastle over the weekend. The single is still on!” – Jason Graff.
“Like Magnus Nell (yesterday’s Fiver letters), Tuesday’s Fiver also made me think of LL Cool J. Unlike Magnus, I didn’t have a vinyl copy in my basement (honestly, that’s just way too Guardian, both the vinyl and the basement), so I just hooked up Mama Said Knock You Out on the YouTubes and showed my 17-year-old daughter how we hip-hoppers used to roll. She’s given me plenty of pitying looks over the years, but this one felt particularly demoralising” – Sholem Lenkiewicz.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Sholem Lenkiwicz.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The FA is investigating Crawley Town manager John Yems after he was suspended indefinitely by the club for allegedly engaging in racist behaviour.
Arsenal’s 3-0 win over Spurs means the WSL title race will go to the final day on Sunday, with the Gunners one point adrift of leaders Chelsea. “I’m very happy that today, football won,” tooted manager Jonas Eidevall.
Manchester City keeper Karen Bardsley admits her impending retirement is yet to fully sink in. “The most emotional moment for me was when I made the announcement to the girls and the coaching staff in the auditorium at the training ground,” she sighed. “To have to walk in there and stand up in front of everyone and say ‘hey guys, I’m retiring and never going to play football’. That hit me, I got really choked up.”
Seattle Sounders are Concacaf Big Cup champions, the first MLS team to lift the trophy, after seeing off Pumas UNAM 5-2 on aggregate. “The MLS [wahey – Fiver Ed] deserved the continental title, and this will go down in history,” whooped Nicolás Lodeiro.
Three Lions will still be used on England’s matchday set-lists after the FA rejected reports the track was going to be replaced, due to fears it gets other nations all funky.
And Ralph Hasenhüttl insists Southampton skipper and free-kick maestro James Ward-Prowse isn’t going anywhere soon. “He has another four years on his contract, he’s our captain and he’s happy here,” hooted Hasenhüttl. “Fans love him and we know how important he is to our team. I haven’t seen any players similar.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Magic beat the masters of control in Real Madrid’s enchanted canyon, writes Barney Ronay.
What was the secret of Chris Kamara’s success at Sky Sports? Warmth, charm and enjoying himself, explains Max Rushden.
How did Dover Athletic end up with zero points after 42 matches? Will Unwin takes a look at the season’s best stories from non-league.
Henry Bell looks back at the most dramatic denouement to an Italian top-flight season.
The Bosnian footballer and manager Ivica Osim, who has died aged 80, is remembered by Brian Glanville.
And if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
