The moment I knew: My late fiance’s favourite song was playing – and Billy said ‘Jamie’s here, isn’t that nice?’

‘It takes a special person, like Billy, to look at the shoes of a past lover and not try to fill them, but to leave them be and plant their shoes next to the ones left behind’: Billy (left) with Anthony Photograph: Supplied by Anthony Nocera

In 2024, about 18 months after my fiance Jamie passed away, I decided I was lonely and horny and so put myself out there on the apps. I’d placed Jamie’s ashes on the TV cabinet in the living room, so he was smack bang in the middle of his two favourite places: his spot on the couch and his coffee machine. It also meant he was in the centre of the house, which made dating hard.

I had a guy over for a hook-up one night and he kept fixating on the urn. “So … He’s dead?”