Name: KLF Kare.
Age: Zero; it just launched.
Appearance: Unclear.
Can’t you try to describe it? “KLF Kare is a multinational franchise that provides branding solutions for independently owned care homes.”
There, that wasn’t so hard. What does it mean? No idea.
So is it care homes, or branding solutions, or some kind of franchise business? Ask the KLF.
The what now? The musical and artistic partnership of Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who as the KLF became the world’s biggest-selling singles act in 1991, before abruptly quitting the music business, deleting their back catalogue and burning a million quid on a Scottish island.
Oh yeah, those guys. They’re back, are they? The duo, who have operated under such enigmatic and overlapping auspices as the K Foundation, K2 Plant Hire Ltd, The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu and the Timelords, have just released a new track, a remix of Harry Nilsson’s 1969 hit Everybody’s Talkin’.
I love that song. A remix, you say? A “live from the after-life party premix”, in their words.
Sounds like a great bet for Christmas No 1. It should be: in their 2017 novel 2023: A Trilogy, the Justified Ancients of Mu Mu prophesied that this single would reach No 1 this Christmas.
I might regret asking, but what does any of this have to do with care homes? According to a new KLF website, the single is also the “winner of the first ever Kareovision Kristmas Song Kontest”.
And what is that? “A recorded song contest for the strictly over-65s who are also residents in KLF Kare homes.”
Who lives in these homes? According to the website, they are aimed at the “raver to the grave”.
I feel as if I’m being sported with. That is often the case with the KLF. Drummond fired a machine gun loaded with blanks over the heads of the audience at the band’s farewell Brit awards appearance, while they once proposed a “People’s Pyramid” comprising bricks containing human ashes.
So, is this a gnomic promotional prank or a sardonic comment on ageing? It could be both. Cauty and Drummond are 66 and 70 respectively.
Just to be clear: there are no care homes? I don’t think so, but I don’t want to stick my neck out.
Do say: “In fulfilment of the prophecy, it’s going to be a Kareovision Kristmas!”
Don’t say: “Nurse, can you turn that music down?”
