After spending like 65 million years on Peacock, the Jurassic World movies are now streaming for anyone with a Netflix subscription. To the surprise of no one, all four are in the top half of the Netflix Top 10 (for now, anyway), including one that I have considered one of the worst movies and least enjoyable theatrical experiences for the past 1,360 days.
Seriously, it has been nearly four years since Jurassic World Dominion arrived on the big screen and left me quoting Dr. Ian Malcolm’s famous line. No, not the “Life has a way” one or that hilarious laugh, but instead the one when he sees the big pile of dino dung. You would think my disdain for this absolutely rotten movie, which CinemaBlend gave a 1.5/5 review back in June 2022, would waver over the years, but you’d be wrong. So, so wrong.
It’s Still Baffling How You Could Make A Movie This Bad
Arguably the worst Jurassic Park/Jurassic World movie (though I don’t see any counterarguments), Dominion is so bad it’s baffling. I’m not going to lie, I was excited to see this when it first came out, and did everything I could to see it after coming back from a family vacation. You have the OG JP cast back in action, you have the continuation of the decent enough arc from the previous two JW movies, and we even have Dodgson here (just played by a different actor this time).
Despite all of that, this movie didn’t just fall short of the hype; it fell flat on its face, and I’ve spent way too much time trying to understand how it could be so bad. It’s not just the lake of dinosaurs and the abundance of giant locusts, but that is part of it. Clocking in at just under two-and-a-half-hours long, this movie feels so disjointed, unoriginal, and straight up lame, if I’m being honest.
The Movie Doesn’t Know What It Wants To Be, And That’s A Major Problem
I understand that director Colin Trevorrow was forced to cut a decent-sized chunk of Jurassic World Dominion to please Universal Pictures, and maybe that explains why the theatrical cut is so bad. What’s always stood out to me is the fact that the movie seems like it doesn’t know what it wants to be.
Does it want to be a legacy sequel with those iconic characters played by Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum? Does it want to be a continuation of the arc from Jurassic World and Fallen Kingdom? Does it want to introduce new characters? The answer is yes to all three of those questions, and it makes a muddled, overlong mess of a story that is sometimes beyond comprehension.
While it’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen in the theater, an honor that currently goes to Chris Pratt’s Mercy, it’s an experience that I won’t ever forget, for all the wrong reasons. It’d be a different story if I weren’t a massive fan of the franchise, but since I am, it hurt so bad seeing how they massacred my boy like this.
If you so desire, you can watch Jurassic World Dominion and the rest of the Jurassic World movies on Netflix, though you’ll have to go elsewhere to watch the legendary 1993 franchise starter.
