This was an interesting article by Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett (‘One and done’ parents are some of the most thoughtful and compassionate I have met, 31 March). I remember a fascinating radio programme some years ago, in which researchers asked only children about their experiences. About half reported that being an “only” made it hard to make friends because they had no practice with siblings – they became loners with a lack of good relationships. The other half reported that having no siblings obliged them to become socially skilled, and that they were great at forming relationships.
The researchers concluded that only children are just like the rest of us, displaying the same range of personality traits and resulting life journeys.
Alison Carter
Lindfield, West Sussex
• I was staggered that anyone with only one child would merit criticism for any reason. In my book, that would be a high accolade. I was an only child of an only child, and in youth had always hankered for a sibling. When I decided to follow a different path and had two, they fought and are still, in middle age, not best buddies. When number one had two children, they fought. Number two had one child. She and I have formed an “only child club” and are both highly able to entertain and occupy ourselves when left to our own devices.
Only children can be great, can usually stand on their own two feet, have no one else to live up to or feel threatened by, and are able to cope with singledom when necessary.
Name and address supplied
• Interesting that Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett’s discussion about the impact of being an only child focuses on their experience as children. Apart from the solidarity that a brother or sister can give you, one important advantage of having siblings is sharing your parents as you, and they, get older.
Siblings can share the burden of parental expectation (whether about careers or grandchildren), but also share support and care for elderly parents as they become frail.
I have been very aware of these issues when I compare my own experience – I have four siblings – with that of my friends who are only children. Whether it is practical support or just someone to discuss options with, that shared responsibility is invaluable.
Cath Attlee
London
• What people fail to mention when questioning someone for choosing to have only one child is that it might not be a choice. I was pregnant three or four times, some pregnancies with traumatic outcomes, before my final successful pregnancy that resulted in our beautiful child. Even with this pregnancy, I spent three months in hospital on bed rest with high blood pressure. So having achieved a healthy child, I could think of no reason to put our little family through such potential trauma again.
Our child has grown up to be kind, caring and all we could wish for. Having been a model, then actress, she is now in her second year’s training to be a midwife – something that she said she always wanted to do despite my horror stories, having been a midwife myself.
So, no, only children are no more likely to be spoiled than any one else. Also, there is no guarantee that you will get on with your siblings.
Gabrielle Page
Brentwood, Essex
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