Polly Hudson’s article extols the benefits of grievances, mostly for retaining her sanity and self-esteem (Don’t tell me it’s wrong to hold a grudge. I’m making the world a better place, one petty boycott at a time, 5 July).
Holding grudges can be an elegant art form, but it is also a sign of the amount of self-regard one has. The commitment required can be a marathon effort, involving extra work, mileage, expense, inconvenience and “missing out” – all in the name of valuing one’s own “worth”. It is tiring, but even more so for others caught up in it. It can also be futile if the target is never aware.
Just as important is the formation of decisions about whom to develop a grudge against. This can be a form of holding the line against a world that has become increasingly difficult to navigate. The rise of apps and the decline of customer service means shops and services that don’t add to our quest for increasing convenience and simplicity become the focus of our ire and boycotts.
Sometimes this low-level narcissistic injury sees people move through their world seeking out those who they perceive have slighted them, taking it personally and adding them to “the list” of who to hold a grudge against.
Craig Jackson
Professor of occupational health psychology, Birmingham City University
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