So that was Cake Week. “Tell us about your beaver” will be remembered for episodes to come, but hopefully in the future we’ll look back at this episode as one where Bake Off turned a corner for the better.
Alison Hammond is the perfect addition to the tent. She feels so at home only after one episode. It is a great sign of things to come.
Thank you so much for reading and for your lovely comments this week. In the spirit of Alison… see you next week, babes.
And leaving the tent is… Amos.
Gutting. He performed so well in the first two challenges, even coming second in the Technical.
But it only takes one bad day for your time in the tent to come to an end, and that is what happened to Amos. He couldn’t have put it any better himself: “It was the Showstopper that stopped my show.”
Star Baker is...
Dan! Or, as Alison said it “D to the A to the N you know it.”
Tasha’s robin is sensational. It’s also extremely tall, and the tahini buttercream is apparently delicious. “I don’t like that texture … I love it,” says Paul in his trademark “I bet you didn’t see that coming reveal.
And another wonderful clanger by Prue, who starts her judgment by saying …
“So Nicky, tell me about your beaver.”
Only on Bake Off… #GBBO pic.twitter.com/EFtK6wxHog
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 26, 2023
Amos looks like he’s had a bad day. That killer whale is “tough as old boots,” “dodgy” and “bone dry.” Oh dear, he’s gutted. I think it is between Dana and Amos heading home today.
This dog cannot hurt you.
The dog:
I hope this email finds you well.
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 26, 2023
How this emails finds me: pic.twitter.com/esXbbbx8Ip
Rowan’s lobster cake is glorious, but Saku’s cake has been deemed to be too stodgy.
Oh no, I think she has a good chance of going home even though she’s such an interesting baker.
“I think you have made Bruno very proud” says Paul, as the camera pans to a decapitated Bruno.
Prue: “I have never seen a poodle that colour though.”
Matty: “Me neither.”
Keith in the flattest voice imaginable: “This is Mazy. She is bursting with excitement.”
And now the showstopper judging.
The gloss on Christy’s mallard is gorgeous.
A sentence I never thought I’d write.
Some of the bakes look simply incredible. The mallard duck! Nicky’s beaver. Although thoughts and prayers to Matty’s dog – which looks like it has fallen into a concrete mixer.
Matty at the start of Bake Off: “I never want to use buttercream again.”
Flashforward to now: Matty during his third buttercream fail this episode alone. Babes!
Rowan: “I am not sure if it is going to freak out the judges. ‘Hi Rowan. What have you made? A dead lobster.’”
Well all the animals here are dead, Rowan.
Matty failing twice on his buttercream and now making a black dog with grey buttercream. Hilarious.
Disaster! Amos’s bake has tipped over, just before the ad break.
Yes! Another ad break! Gosh, there’s been a lot in a very short space of time. Bring back the 9.15pm finish immediately.
Josh is baking a Highland cow in honour of his Mum.
Meanwhile, there’s this narration from Noel: “Amos is trying to build his killer whale without any support.” Is this as surreal to read as it is to write?
Me in 2000: “I wonder what the future will be like.”
2023: “I am baking a 3D animal cake of a killer whale.”
Rowan is making a lobster that tastes like a cosmopolitan. Welcome to Bake Off 2023.
Prue, who once infamously said, “quite often, I need two holes so that I can squirt,” during a doughnut challenge, has just informed Nicky that she has not ever seen a beaver.
Nicky is leaning into the weirdness of it all by calling her beaver Norman.
Aaaaaand the Norman nostalgia is flooding back:
watching bake off on netflix, revisiting the legend that is norman #mywinner pic.twitter.com/H9voURobOr
— sarah (@sh0rtmovie) April 26, 2018
Amos is not baking a dog, but a killer whale.
And he’s brought a photo of a killer whale as inspiration.
And now with Dan, who is immortalising his dog Bruno in icing, we are up to THREE cakes in the shape of dogs. This is the best showstopper in ages.
Won’t be good as the time someone made a cake bust of Freddie Mercury, but we’re close.
Freddie Mercury’s head exploded… but the Dough Must Go On! #GBBO pic.twitter.com/hlEdJpbxKC
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 22, 2020
Also love Alison constantly adding pressure by saying “Wow, the expectations on this are so huge on you” to every baker.
Dana: “I am baking my dog Gracie.”
You might want to try saying that again, Dana.
Keith: “My animal cake will be a small poodle I am the step-father to”
It is HAPPENING!!!
The showstopper challenge… is a cake-shaped animal!
Oh my god what if ALL of the cakes were dogs.
12. Dana 11. Tasha (Prue: “the fat rim of chocolate is a big problem.” Me: “Is it?”) 10. Nicky. 9. Rowan. 8. Josh. 7. Matty 6. Krsty. 5. Saku. 3. Abbi 2. Amos. 1. Dan with a “great looking cake.”
Good luck if you have any idea who these people are without seeing their faces, but it looks like possible Star Bakers for either Dan and Abbi this week. I am worried for Tasha and Dana.
There’s a lot of judgment in a very short time, and a lot of bakes seem to have similar compliments and criticisms – the colour and the denseness being the main complaints.
A highlight for me was Matt being criticised for his matte on a Bake Off challenge of them baking the Bake Off cake. How delightfully meta.
And now it’s technical challenge judgment.
Prue: “We’re going to be nitpicking.” No change there then.
All the bakes look absolutely luxurious. Thoughts and prayers for Paul and Prue, who now have to eat 12 chocolate cakes in three minutes – and tell them apart.
Oh Janusz, we miss you.
5 drip cakes… it’s like I’m still there…🥹 #gbbo #bakeoff
— Janusz (@januszbakes) September 26, 2023
It’s lovely how they have made Bake Off inclusive for Tasha, with Darryl the BSL interpreter and the timecall given out by Noel and Alison in BSL too.
But some things never change, like the Bake Off innuendos. Namely: “I think we’ll give a top a poke.”
They’re also adding the infamous raspberries, but it does not say whether it needs to include the missing raspberry or not. If they get marked down because of this I swear to god.
The bakers all have to use a ganache for their Bake Off cake.
Keith: “I feel like I have an unfair advantage because I used ganache this morning.”
Tasha, who famously used ganache this morning, unsurprisingly has not said the same.
Alison, after saying she loathes saying the word “moist,” ends up saying it on a slight delay. She’s so good.
Fun fact: by my calculation, the kids in the opening titles are now in their 20s.
The technical challenge is … The Great British Bake Off cake.
With or without the famous missing raspberry.
“I recognise this cake!” says Prue, who has been a judge on Bake Off since 2017.
Dan’s rhubarb and custard vertical cake is deemed to be the “cutest little cake” and Keith’s chocolate orange vertical cake deemed to be “absolutely delicious.”
Then Tasha’s ‘unusual’ cake is reviewed by Paul: “Did you sit on it?” and, after complimenting it, brings it down again by saying “I think it looks terrible!”
The bakes are sublime this year. Wish I could say the same about Paul’s choice of words.
But it appears Keith and Dan are on top, with top marks for Abbi too.
Abbi’s wild poppy seed bake is commended for its flavouring and Matty’s coffee enthused bake (without buttercream) is complimented for being “muscular.”
Inevitably that bake is going to get RIPPED at the gym with the LADS.
Christy has been told by Paul that the flavours “need to punch me in the teeth” and when Nicky presented hers, he says “I don’t think it is terrible.”
When she says that it might have a flavour that grows on you, Hollywood responds: “Like a fungus.” Paul! You are supposed to leave your harsh criticisms in 2022!
It’s the signature judging.
We start with Rowan’s, which is giving the Leaning Tower of Pisa a run for its money.
After a crude unintended innuendo by Paul (“I’m not quite sure I am going to get it all out”) Rowan is congratulated for his delicate use of flavours. It is a perfect example of a vertical cake.
Line of the season so far.
"Where can you go from a hug?"
— Ryan Love (@RyanJL) September 26, 2023
"Home" #GBBO pic.twitter.com/ghYoh5rsuK
What an excellent signature challenge. A great opportunity to show off their wares without putting them out of their depth.
Who are your favourite bakers so far? Let us know BTL!
I am going to keep a tally of every time Alison says “babe”. The latest: “I wish I liked rhubarb. I would be all over that, babes.”
At this rate she will be saying it six times an episode, and 60 by the end of the season.
Josh is a chemical biology researcher who tests his bakes with his teammates at his local rugby club. They have joked “no soggy bottoms here” to him probably for the millionth time.
Meanwhile Amos, Tasha and Saku are all struggling with their bakes cracking. And Matty, who has now abandoned using buttercream, says “I never want to see buttercream again.”
Ahhh … Matty. In the words of Alison Hammond: “Babe, you’re on Bake Off.”
Oh god, Matty’s buttercream is curdling again.
Matty: “I keep curdling my buttercream.”
Noel: “It’s a baking competition, don’t worry about it.”
Dana, a database administrator with a cockapoo (god, there are so many great dogs this year) has just been reprimanded by Alison for saying “Look at me getting all Masterchef-y.”
“We’re on Bake Off,” Alison responds, perhaps not realising that last year’s series, which had a technical with a dipping sauce featuring 20 ingredients, was basically Masterchef in all but name.
Things you only hear on Bake Off #1. This from Matty: “I’m hiding the terror through the smiles.”
Things you only hear on Bake Off #2. This from Dana: “I only drink caramel lattes.”
Keith just talked about how he is trying to infuse the rhubarb into his bake. Lovely.
Abbi has foraged wild ingredients, adding fresh petals to her topping. Gorgeous.
And here’s PE teacher Matty: “The buttercream looks like someone’s sick.” Charming!
This week’s challenge in a nutshell.
Meanwhile, OVEN ALERT. Tasha used the wrong rack!
Tasha, you were supposed to not turn the oven on! I’m so sorry. Next time.
Keith is baking a chocolate orange ganache in tribute to his father and is considering throwing in a tonne of liquor because he’s nervous and wants to keep Prue and Paul happy.
DING DING DING! Congratulations Keith, you’re this week’s coveted winner of the “smothering everything in booze because you’re panicking” award.
Good on Bake Off for making it so inclusive.
Say hi to BSL interpreter Daryl! 👏👏
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 26, 2023
Tasha: “Seeing Daryl up at the front and feeling fully part of the show was a really special moment. I couldn’t have done it without him and without the dedication from the show ensuring I had the same access as the other bakers.” ❤️❤️ #GBBO pic.twitter.com/ukGjwHtFDd
Saku is making a vertical cake infused with buttercream. She told us that she was “not nervous,” but unfortunately as she was nervous this came out nervous.
As a result, she experienced a Bake Off first: a Paul Hollywood hug. Unfortunately, unlike the Hollywood Handshake, it means nothing.
Cristy has been introduced, and she has a touchscreen laptop at home, how fancy!
She’s thrown in a lemon vertical cake. Paul and Prue said they wanted to taste the cake’s full flavour, but with three different types of lemons, my thoughts and prayers go to what will be left of their taste buds.
And now Tasha, who opens with: “I’m making a genoise sponge because I always see a genoise sponge on Bake Off.”
See, Amos? That’s how you do it. You not only panic – you also copy everyone else.
We’re now seeing Amos, making a blood orange-infused cake. He says he is following advice that his Mum gave and is slowing down while baking so he doesn’t get ahead of himself.
Amos, I’m sorry, but did you watch Bake Off last year?
Up next is Nicky … who just talked about what is in her orange-and-lemon vertical cake, but truth be told I didn’t pay attention because I was falling in love with her accent.
And there’s Dan … who not only owns 300 cookbooks, but also grows rhubarb and has recently begun brewing his own beer. Goodness Dan, have a day off.
Forgotten who all the bakers are already? You know I have.
We’ve just been introduced to Rowan, who calmly reacted to Paul and Prue arriving at his workstation for the first time by yelling “OH MY GOD IT’S REAL!”
Rowan studied at the University of York (my Uni!). He’s baking a chocolate and raspberry vertical cake, which is based on a wedding cake he had for his 21st birthday.
Alison Hammond reacts to him having a wedding cake for his birthday by saying “I love you. It’s because you are worth it isn’t it, babe!”
We’re six minutes in to Bake Off 2023 and it is already confirmed: Alison is the perfect addition to the tent.
The signature challenge … is a vertical layer cake!
It has to contain rolled lines and gorgeous filling. Prue explains what a vertical cake is by saying “cake, filling, cake, filling, cake, filling, cake, filling, cake, filling.”
Thanks for that Prue.
Let The Great British Bake Off commence.
We’ve just been introduced to new host Alison Hammond and Darryl (a British Sign Language interpreter for Tasha.)
But WHICH baker this episode …
… will forget to turn their oven on (or accidentally put it on the grill setting?)
… will decide to get the judges drunk using alcoholic ingredients because they’re panicking?
Special commendations will be rewarded by me to both.
Bake Off has started with its traditional skit… The Breadfather.
It involved her kissing a loaf of bread. And bless him, Paul cannot do an Italian accent to save his life.
Welcome to the family, @AlisonHammond. ❤️ #GBBO pic.twitter.com/HqTJoeV3wY
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 26, 2023
Updated
Truly
Before the episode kicks off, let’s have a look at the Bake Off contestants from the information we have on hand about them. As is Bake Off tradition, expect all of these bakers to have several additional hobbies as well as baking, which will make all of our lives feel lacking. Don’t worry, it’s not just you.
Abbi, 27: A baker … and a keen forager! Raised in Yorkshire, she uses natural ingredients and homegrown vegetables in her bakes.
Amos, 43: A baker … and a theatre and theme park enthusiast! He now lives in a converted church in north London. How fancy.
Cristy, 33: A baker … and Rubik’s cube enthusiast. She can solve one in under four minutes.
Dan, 42: A baker … and cookbook collector! Dan has more than 300 cookbooks and he has even brewed his own home beer.
Dana, 25: A baker … and cockapoo owner. A self-professed “messy baker,” Dana’s dog eats up most of the leftovers.
Josh, 27: A baker … and rugby player. Josh brings his bakes to his teammates after games. Carbs carbs carbs.
Keith, 60: A baker … and a recipe lover. He also has a poodle called Maisie and they frequently visit the beach together.
Matty, 28: A baker … and a wedding planner! He’s planning on baking his own wedding cake for his and his fiancée’s upcoming wedding. I’m sorry everyone, he’s taken.
Nicky, 52: A baker … and a pet-therapy charity volunteer! An ex-cabin crew member, she also has a dog called Bracken. There are so many dogs this year.
Rowan, 21: A baker … and a cocktail-maker. Margaritas are on him.
Saku, 50: A baker … and an intelligence analyst and vegetable patch grower! She also runs a cricket team with her daughter.
Tasha, 27: A baker… and a West End theatre show lover. She was also a ski instructor in Japan.
There’s also a new host shaking things up: TV legend Alison Hammond. She’s an inspired choice of host, and has given us some of daytime TV’s most viral moments – from the time she accidentally pushed a This Morning assistant into a dock, to the time she was accosted by Italian police during live filming because she did not have permission to film. She even made Harrison Ford laugh in a junket interview.
She also once memorably appeared on Celebrity Bake Off, thinking for a second that her oven doors had gone missing, when in fact they had simply retracted back into the oven.
Alison Hammond was once a contestant on Celeb Bake Off. She thought her oven doors went missing. Absolute icon. pic.twitter.com/32fYIMKnDX
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) March 16, 2023
She has baked a few times on This Morning, but it hasn’t always gone to plan. “As you can see, it looks a little bit dry,” she remarked on her mixture during a live chocolate brownie demonstration, before Holly Willoughby pointed out that she had forgotten to add in any eggs. She also did a celebratory dance after a pancake demonstration, only to hit the pan with her wrist, causing the pan (and the batter) to land on the floor. “You get the jist, right?” she reacted and carried on.
She also once advised viewers that they could use an unopened bottle of wine to roll out dough if you don’t have a rolling pin on hand. Truly iconic behaviour.
Hello!
Welcome to the Guardian’s liveblog for The Great British Bake Off 2023! I’m Scott Bryan and I’ll be your host through each week of the nail-biting competition’s 14th series.
I might not be the best baker (I repeatedly attempted every technical challenge while working at BuzzFeed, with my bakes receiving such glowing reviews as “no” and “it tastes as good as it looks – this can be taken any way you like,”) but I’m a huge fan of the show who loves the bakers showing off their creativity and honing their skills. I also obsess over every detail, having tried to see whether we were in “Hollywood handshake inflation” by rewatching every single episode to count each handshake. Even Hollywood himself said afterwards that I should “get a life” (a proud achievement.)
It is such a thrill to be back with you for the next 10 weeks but let’s be honest, last year’s Bake Off was not a vintage year. Despite some lovely bakers (such as Janusz, who once baked in high heels), the series was plagued by overly harsh critiques from Paul and Prue, culturally insensitive themes, ridiculous time constraints and frankly bizarre showstoppers. Edible hanging lanterns that have to double up as a piñata, anyone?
However, the show’s bosses seemed to have listened to us and there’s a hope that this year’s Bake Off will be a return to form. A recent exclusive behind-the-scenes feature promised a “back to basics” approach to the challenges, including no national themes. Thank god – that Mexican Week alone could have started a war.
