THE PITS-MASTERS
Ah, Bank Holiday Mondays – the traditional cavalcade of woefully overdone sausages, dangerously underdone chicken legs and ill-advised experiments with vegetables. And this Monday the glorious chaos of inexpert barbecue chef-ery was matched by the glorious chaos of inexpert defending in the Premier League, with 21 goals squirted across three fun-packed affairs like a deluge of lighter fluid across a rack of uncooperative briquettes. In the early kick-off, as the coals began to flame and a few exploratory sausages were sent to a fiery grave, Leicester added another lowlight to their season of shambles at Craven Cottage, the 5-3 scoreline flattered by a couple of late goals as Fulham eased off the throttle. “It’s been one of those seasons,” sighed James Maddison, stretching that particular idiom beyond its usual boundaries. “We were not good enough today and we’ve only got ourselves to blame.”
That left the Foxes poised precariously outside the drop zone with three of the four clubs below them still to play. And, with grills up and down the land hitting that minuscule window of just the right temperature for even cooking, Everton sensed the moment for their seemingly annual late-season relegation swerve, running riot at the Amex to beat high-flying Brighton 5-1 in the most unlikely result of the day and claim their first away win since the start of October. Even the usually-measured Sean Dyche lost the run of himself: “I was very pleased.”
In the evening game, with the ashes cooling and the optimistic among us throwing on a couple of bananas wrapped in silver foil which nobody wants and no one will eat, a Morgan Gibbs-White-inspired Nottingham Forest followed the Toffees out of the bottom three with a 4-3 win over Southampton, leaving Saints in need of a miracle and Rúben Sélles pondering his future. “I would be happy to be here for the next 10 years,” he sobbed, very much sounding a man unlikely to be at the club much longer than the next 10 days. “I tried to do my best. But it is not for me to make that decision. It is a decision the club needs to make.”
All of which risked overshadowing a similarly tasty final day in the Championship, where Millwall, Coventry, Sunderland, West Brom and Blackburn battled it out for the final two playoff spots. At half-time Millwall were 3-1 up against Rovers at the Den and on course for fifth spot, only to slide, like a chipolata between the bars, to a 4-3 defeat and allow the Black Cats to join Coventry in the top six. “If you finish sixth after 46 games, that’s where you deserve to finish!” roared a breathless Sunderland manager Tony Mowbray.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“That image reminds me that football is not just fighting between supporters. It’s not just money. It’s not just business. I know that players from different teams are friends, they eat together at restaurants and spend free time together. When I look at that picture, I’m reminded that football is the most beautiful game in the world” – Stefano Rellandini, who took the classic Big Cup shot of Marco Materazzi and Rui Costa in 2005, talks to Henry Bell about how the image has since lived on.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
How nice to witness a day of pomp on Saturday, a day of celebration for the capital’s gilded elite, a day to remind the nation of past glories, a day to hail a new beginning … yes, Frank Lampard’s Chelsea finally won a game” – Mark McFadden.
We can only hope that Lionel Messi will be put out to stud (Friday’s Football Daily letters), as the potential alternative is too grim to think about” – Martin Parker.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Mark McFadden.
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