A football team is bringing together bereaved men who have been affected by baby loss.
Honeysuckle FC play their games every two weeks at the Leisure United Jeffrey Humble centre in Aintree. The all-male group, as well as playing matches between themselves, hold ‘changing room chats’ beforehand where they can speak openly about their bereavement.
The idea for a football team originated from feedback from the Honeysuckle Bereavement Service at the Liverpool Women's Hospital. Many of the men using the service felt they needed a male-only space to discuss their experiences, and suggested football as a way of supporting each other.
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Chris Smith, a 37 year-old from Bootle, plays for the team. He said the team has massively helped him open up about his difficult experiences.
He said: “When I lost my twins four years ago, everything I felt was towards my wife Danielle. I could speak to Danielle about it but I had no-one else to speak to about it. So this has really helped me in the last six to seven months.”
He added: “I play football with my mates, they don’t really know what I’m talking about and I can’t really confide in them. With these lads, you can say anything and nothing is judged.”
Sean Karl Coleman, a 34 year-old originally from Staffordshire, agreed. He said: “Coming to a support group like this just to see how our stories can help other people, other dads on the journey, it’s really beneficial.”
Craig Faragher, a 32 year-old from Huyton, believes the team is helping break down the stigma of men talking about baby loss. He said: “The main reason we're here is to remember our babies, talk about our babies and there not to be a taboo around this. And at the end of it, it’s nice to have a break away from the support group and have a kickabout with the lads.”
The men have not only opened up to others with similar experiences - they’ve created a group of friends, who Craig classes as his best mates. He said: “It’s more like a family with how close we’ve come in such a short space of time. I know that I can say stuff to these lads that I wouldn’t talk to about other family members.”
Chris has been surprised about how the group offers so much more than he initially expected. He said: “I thought we’d just be spending an hour playing football. But I come not just for the football, I come to speak to these lads and to share my stories about how I’m doing.”
Sean said: The most beneficial thing for me is the group session. The football is an added bonus. Just having that hour chat, with like-minded men. I didn’t think the group would be this big 8 months down the line.”
Starting with just 10 members last November, the group has grown so much that they can now play 11 a side matches. Marie Kelleher, a 42 year-old specialist bereavement midwife from the Women’s Hospital, knew there would be interest in the group but has still been taken aback by how fast it has grown.
It was Marie, along with fellow bereavement midwife Pauline McBurnie, 61, who noticed that it was predominantly women who were coming to their support groups. They took on board the men’s feedback of wanting a space for themselves revolving around sport.
They, with the help of three other bereaved dads as peer support volunteers, help them open up about their emotions. Marie said: “It gives them a safe space, to talk about their journey, to talk about difficult things they’re gonna face.”
She added: “Today we talked about father’s day. It gives them an opportunity to talk to people who are further on in their journeys.”
She added: “Ultimately it’s doing something in memory of their baby who they’ve lost. They might have other children who go to football or dance - this is the time for the baby that they’ve lost.”
However, they both credit the LFC Foundation for organising the football side of things and bringing in specialist coaches, including ex-Liverpool goalkeeper Chris Kirkland. Pauline said: “It wouldn't have taken off without their support.”
Mark Henderson, Mental Health Coordinator at the LFC Foundation, was blown away by the bravery of the men when he first met them at Anfield. Mark said: “To get a group of fellas together talking openly about how they’re struggling, it was incredibly powerful.”
Nevertheless, there was a lot to organise, and the first session last winter was almost called off. He said: “We were scraping snow off the pitch. It was touch and go weather we were gonna get the go ahead from health and safety. From then, there’s been an incredible bond created between the lads.”
Mark argued that this venture demonstrates how football can bring about positive change. He said: Football is the excuse to get men here. Men like activities to go to and then the therapeutic side of things can come a little bit more organically. It’s quite easy for men to say, if they’re asked where they’re going, ‘I’m going to football’. It doesn't have to be, ‘I'm going to a counselling session.’”
From that first meeting in the Kenny Dalglish stand, Mark is delighted to see what the group has become. He said: “I can’t put into words how proud I am of the lads. I often say, I might head up these sessions, but it is their sessions, and without them it wouldn’t be as special as it is.
“At Honeysuckle, they use a term called the bond of love. The bond of love was evident for me from day 1 in that room at Anfield. Although they have suffered loss, they are still dads, they are still men, the baby is part of their life. To come and celebrate them, and play in memory of them, is truly special.”
Mark also credited the LFC coaches at the sessions, including Kirkland. He was only supposed to join for the first session, but has been present for every single one since.
Craig, Sean and Chris have urged any men, not just dads, affected by baby loss to join the team. Sean said: “The hardest bit is getting through that door, but once you’re through that door it gets so much easier. Anybody is welcome, any dads, grandads, uncles, anyone impacted by baby loss, it’s a real tight-knit group.”
Craig said: “For any men struggling out there with baby loss, come down. There’s a group here for you and we’ll support you every step of the way.”
Honeysuckle FC hold their sessions at the Leisure United Jeffrey Humble on Long Lane in Aintree. You can contact the Honeysuckle Bereavement Service and the LFC Foundation for further information.
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