COMOROS FEEL THE NOIZE
Two weeks ago the Fiver had never heard of Comoros, which we’ve since learned is the fourth-smallest nation in Africa. And while our ignorance might seem kinda condescending, the world’s most daily football email would like to assure the 850,000 or so inhabitants of this four-island archipelago our ignorance is entirely down to a school geography syllabus that was more focused on the excruciating minutiae of what constitutes a truncated spur, than anything so useful as the names and whereabouts of all the countries in the world.
Nicknamed “Cloud Coup Coup Land” in some quarters, due to the 20 or so heads of state who have been ousted from office since its declaration of independence from France in 1975, Comoros staged one of the most seismic and audacious bloodless coups in international football history on Tuesday, knocking the star-studded four-times champions Ghana out of the Africa Cup of Nations. The Roumdé Adjia Stadium in Garoua was the venue for a thriller that ended with the plucky Coelacanths – a team of minnows who take their nickname from a comparatively massive fish that can unhinge its mouth to devour very large prey – performing an impressive giant-killing of their own.
Boasting big name stars such as Thomas Partey, Daniel Amartey and the Ayew brothers in their line-up, Ghana had been expected to breeze into the last 16 despite a slow start in Group C. In a game that started badly for them and went quickly downhill, they were hamstrung by the early double whammy of going a goal down and losing André Ayew to what looked a slightly harsh red card. Shortly after the hour mark, Comoros increased the deficit to two.
Despite Ghana rallying gamely to level the scores with 13 minutes to go, the team ranked 132nd in the world by Fifa delivered the knockout blow on 85 minutes, leading to scenes of delight in the Comoros dressing room. This jubilation was nothing compared to that on show in the home of Mikel Arteta and assorted Arsenal fans, who can now look forward to having Partey back in their side at the weekend, having not missed a single Premier League game while he was away.
“This is something special – this victory is historic,” said Ahmed Mogni, who chipped in with two goals for Comoros. “When we open the history books in the next couple of years, it will be all these players who will be inside. It’s very important for me and for my team because we showed that we have the quality to compete with the big nations in Africa. Also this victory is very important for us because we continue to believe and hope that we can pass this group stage for the next round.”
While Comoros’s hopes of advancing to the Afcon knockout stages as one of the best third-placed group sides are extremely slim with three groups still to be decided, anyone with a passing interest in world football will be praying they make it. A country that until recently was completely unknown to your underdog-loving Fiver is now represented by our favourite African football team.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The entire country is extremely disappointed by the abysmal performance and early exit of the Black Stars from the Africa Cup of Nations, and we share in the nation’s sentiment” – Ghana’s Ministry of Youth and Sports offers a damning verdict on the team’s Afcon efforts.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
More Afcon fun ahoy! Join Paul Doyle for live updates from Egypt 1-0 Sudan (7pm GMT). And stick around for Premier League action as Michael Butler guides you through Brentford 2-2 Manchester United (8pm).
FIVER LETTERS
“Last Sunday I took my lad to his first local non-league match and it turned out to be a giant rollercoaster of a ride. I thought some of your readers might like to share our story” – Rob Wright.
“With Sead Kolasinac and Pablo Marí leaving Arsenal, are the club developing a new strategy to keep their squad so thin, they won’t have to play any games? That should at least earn them an honourable mention in the Stop Football fight” – Hanford Woods.
“Regarding Stephen Rea’s letter about the next Everton manager, surely he (more than anyone) would realise that any appointment could only lead to The Crying Game? – Bruce Bradley [and others].
“The Best [Tuesday’s Fiver] may sound like a premium ready meal in England, but with a Bundesliga player winning, it should surely be the Wurst. I’ll be seeing myself out” – Christopher Smith.
“Re: the problems at Goodison Park and Downing Street. The solution seems obvious: Manchester United send Marcus Rashford to No 10 on loan, Everton bring Wayne Rooney in as their new manager, and the Tories pay Derby £20m to appoint Boris Johnson on an interim basis” – Peter Rehwaldt.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Christopher Smith.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Peter Robinson, the former Liverpool secretary who played an instrumental role in the club’s rise, has died aged 86. “Sad news indeed, a special man left us,” wrote Dietmar Hamann on Twitter. “LFC wouldn’t be where they are now if it wasn’t for him. He’ll be badly missed.”
Brighton have warned supporters they face indefinite bans and further police action if they enter the pitch, following incidents at the club’s recent home games against Crystal Palace and Chelsea.
After their in-no-way-predictable 1-1 draw at the Amex, Chelsea players are being given a break. “We need to de-connect, that is my feeling,” sighed Tommy T. If he’s not careful, they may soon de-manager.
Mikel Arteta is pure fuming at the reaction to Arsenal’s request to postpone Sunday’s trip to Tottenham. “We postpone a match for all the right reasons, believe me, and we get these reactions?” the Gunners manager bellowed.
Everton have asked Duncan Ferguson to step in as caretaker manager. The Toffees will take their sweet time to appoint a new permanent head coach after the apparently unforeseeable sacking of Rafa Benítez.
Ralf Rangnick has further endeared himself to Manchester United fans by suggesting Paul Pogba might play better now there are potential suitors to impress. “He will be highly motivated,” Rangnick cheered, “and why should I then not play him?”
Newcastle continue to carry the January transfer window, and are currently waving £30m under the noses of Sevilla in a bid to buy Brazilian centre-back Diego Carlos.
Dani Alves has a simple solution for solving Barcelona’s malaise: buy Lionel Messi. “Messi is the best player in the history of football,” Alves drooled. “It would be very good if he finishes his career here … the club could take care of it.”
Allow him to be Frank: Brentford manager Thomas is open to a potential move for Christian Eriksen. “If players fit the criteria of no d!ckheads, they can play for us,” said the Dane, a motto that has served the Bees well since 2019.
STILL WANT MORE?
Bruno Lage’s appointment at Wolves didn’t look like an inspired choice, but he has led Wolves back into European contention, writes Ben McAleer.
Match-going supporters and online fans don’t often see eye-to-eye, but perhaps they can both agree that their clubs should listen more, muses Paul MacInnes.
CHE v CHF, Clyde v er, Clyde and other scorebox similarities, in this week’s Knowledge.
Will Newcastle splash the cash to uproot half the Atalanta team to Tyneside? [They’ve had worse ideas – Fiver Ed] More in today’s Rumour Mill.
Our men’s and women’s transfer window interactives have had a January glow-up.
And if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
