Divorce is an increasingly common experience: among people who are age 20 or older, about 34% of married women and 33% of married men will part ways with their spouse. But while there’s plenty of conversation around the heartache stemming from a marriage falling apart, the difficulty of the first breakup after divorce often goes unexplored.
“Research on how grief is processed in the brain explains the various physiological changes that occur when we have a loss—whether that is through death or divorce or some other form of separation. In the case of unprocessed grief following a divorce, a subsequent breakup can reactivate the initial unresolved grief,” explains Aurisha Smolarski, a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. Unprocessed grief from your divorce can muddle your current relationship. And thus, when your new partnership comes to a close, it can feel like a double dose of loss. “You may cycle through denial, sadness, anger, guilt, fear, and shame,” adds Smolarski.
