UNITED THEY FALL
The last time Manchester United came bottom of their Big Cup group was December 2005, when they ingeniously contrived to finish below a Lille team that scored one goal in six games. Old Trafford was a sad place to be back then. One of the United Trinity of the 1960s had recently died, an all-time great had just left the club under a cloud made entirely of their own nasal fumes (yes, yes, we know Cristiano Ronaldo left a year ago, but never let facts get in the way of a half-@rsed historical comparison) and an under-pressure manager looked like he’d happily extinguish half of the press pack with his bare hands. A club in crisis, just like today. In the next three seasons, Manchester United won three Premier League titles, a Big Cup and a Club World Cup. There you go, it’s all cyclical, let’s just chill out and enjoy the darts over Christmas. Que sera, sera everyone!
[Long discussion ensues between Football Daily and a stick-wielding The Man, punctuated by soprano-range yelps]
Let’s start that one again. Football Daily’s team of crack hacks are attempting to verify unconfirmed reports that Erik ten Hag has a newfound empathy for David Moyes, Louis van Gaal, José Mourinho and Ole Gunnar Solskjær after Manchester United did an Irish goodbye from Big Cup at Old Trafford last night. The club again looks unmanageable, even if there are some mitigating circumstances. United may well have qualified but for Marcus Rashford’s debatable red card in Copenhagen, then Rashford and Anthony Martial missed last night’s game through illness after standing around in the cold for too long at St James’ Park. If they don’t recover, Ten Hag could be without 13 senior players for Sunday’s public flogging at Anfield. But this is a) Manchester United and b) the year 2023. Nobody wants nuance, grandad.
Ten Hag said United’s performance was “very good” and that they didn’t deserve to lose, which was news to neutrals. In his first season Ten Hag was bracingly, endearingly honest and dealt assuredly with the unique pressure of being Manchester United manager. In the last few months that has changed. Ten Hag said something similar about the United performance after a dog of a game at Fulham last month, and he increasingly sounds like an English politician rather than a Dutch football manager. If he starts talking about “delivering for the British people”, we’ll know his noggin has gone. We know how this ends. In the medium-term, there’s as much chance of Ten Hag turning things round as there is of social media’s finest disgraces admitting they owe Solskjær an apology.
There are at least two sides to every story, though, even if we rarely hear them when the MUFC clickbait machine is involved. Last night was less about Bayern Munich, the team that beat United with one hand down their trousers, and more about the team who qualified for the last 16. FC Copenhagen beat Galatasaray 1-0 to reach the last 16, then immediately announced free beer for everyone in the stadium. It was the most endearing Big Cup gesture since Bayer Leverkusen manager Klaus Toppmöller celebrated the semi-final win over Manchester United in 2001-02 by announcing “now is the time for wine and cigarettes”. Copenhagen last reached the knockout stage of Big Cup in 2010-11, also the last time United reached the final. See, it’s coming around again, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s all cyclic-aaaaagh!
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray for Men’s Big Cup updates on Newcastle 1-2 Milan, while Michael Butler will bring you Dortmund 1-1 PSG and Sarah Rendell will be all over Lyon 3-0 Brann in Women’s Big Cup. All matches kick off at 8pm GMT.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“About six months to a year ago I played a game and the Leeds away fans were just in front of me. I swear to you I was taken aback by how upset and angry they still are with me. This transfer was over 20 years ago” – Rio Ferdinand underestimates the elephant-like memory of fans when there’s an excuse for booing and b@ntz.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
With a couple of Dion Dublin references in yesterday’s Football Daily (full email edition), plus a mention of losing the dressing room, it felt like the latest piece of art from Bryan’s Gunn would be particularly relevant” – Jim Hearson.
This summer I was in San Sebastian. The locals talk proudly of two things; their food and their football club. Real Sociedad is testimony to what local talent and passion can do. The sense of belonging is palpable. The same vibes you get from your friendly neighbourhood independent grocer compared to the TESCOs and ALDIs” – Krishna Moorthy (and no other Euro football correspondents).
Ahem, first of a different number of pedants here, but they were actually neither acronyms nor abbreviations (Football Daily letters passim). Those were initialisms” – James Yelland (and 1,056 others).
Send any letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Jim Hearson, who gets a copy of Reign of the Lionesses, published by Pitch Publishing. Visit their brilliant football book store here.
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