I love nothing more than grabbing a candy-cane hot chocolate and settling in to watch the latest new Christmas movie — the cheesier, the better! So while some people roll their eyes at the idea of a hot snowman coming to life and falling in love with Mean Girls’ Lacey Chabert, I am SEATED.
‘Cos who wants to sit through Oppenheimer when you’re comatose from a delicious Chrissy meal or copious amounts of eggnog? Give me mediocre acting, predictable storylines and dad jokes, it’s what my soul needs at this time of year.
If you’re curious about what new Christmas flicks are headed your way this year, we’ve got you covered! Here’s what’s coming your way on Netflix, Binge, Stan, Prime Video, Paramount+ and Disney+.
Netflix
Hot Frosty — Out now
Can snowmen fuck? Apparently, yes. Yes they can. The premise of a ripped snowman turning into a human via a magical scarf is honestly exactly what a good Christmas movie needs! If there’s only one Christmas movie you’re watching this year, choose this one. Lacey Chabert and Schitt’s Creek’s Dustin Milligan are adorable, and he’s naked about 99.5 per cent of the time. You’re welcome.
Meet Me Next Christmas — Out now
This seems like a safe bet, with Christina Milian trying desperately to attend a Pentatonix Christmas Eve concert. You see, she had a meet-cute with a man a year prior, and agreed to meet him at the concert if they were both still single. What could go wrong??
The Merry Gentlemen — Out now
This movie is basically like Magic Mike but Christmas. It has a LOT of shirtless Chad Michael Murray, who takes to stripping to help save his local bar from closing. That’ll do it!
Our Little Secret — Out now
I’m all for the Linday Lohan renaissance, and pairing her with Pretty Little Liars’ Ian Harding with Kristin Chenoweth as her bonkers mother-in-law? Absolute chef’s kiss! This Christmas movie is about two exes who accidentally have to spend the holidays together, because they’re dating siblings. The set-up could not be MORE perfect!!!
That Christmas — December 4
What’s Christmas without a lil’ animated movie to get you in the festive spirit? This new movie is said to be a heartwarming comedy, following “family and friends, love and loneliness, and Santa Claus making a big mistake”. I’m intrigued!
A Nonsense Christmas with Sabrina Carpenter — December 6
Okay, okay, I know this one isn’t technically a Christmas movie, but it’s a holiday variety special with the short ‘n’ sweet pop star of the ~moment~. We all know that Sabrina Carpenter has incredible comedic timing, and she will be putting on some SNL style skits with other stars, like Cara Delevigne, Sean Astin, Quinta Brunson, Jillian Bell and Nico Hiraga. She’ll also be performing some super special holiday duets with Tyla, Chappell Roan, Shania Twain and more.
Carry-On — December 3
This is a bit different from your light and easy Christmas movies, but it looks damn good. It’s an action thriller with Jason Bateman, Taron Egerton and Sofia Carson, and it’s set at the airport. Basically a TSA agent gets blackmailed into letting a mysterious package through security, and all hell breaks loose.
Paramount+
Dear Santa — Out now
I giggled so much when I heard the premise of Dear Santa. After a young boy named Liam accidentally addresses his wishlist to Satan instead of Santa, Jack Black as the devil is summoned. It looks absolutely bonkers in the best way, and the cast is stacked with comedic talents like Keegan-Michael Key, Brianne Howey and randomly, Post Malone.
Prime Video
Jack in Time — December 3
Jack Whitehall is back, baby! The comedian has created this hybrid feature, which is a take on I’ll Be Home For Christmas. It’s a combo of his signature travelogue along with some scripted comedic segments. Basically, he’s stuck in the USA and has to make it back to the UK for Christmas… but he’s only got four days! There are some familiar faces in the mix as well, with Rebel Wilson, Daisy May Cooper, Jimmy Fallon, Dave Bautista and more helping him along the way.
Christmas in the Spotlight — December 14
If you’re a Swiftie and you’re OBSESSED with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s romance, well, I’m certain this movie is for you. Look, it’s not explicitly stated that it’s based on their high-profile relationship, but I’ll let the synopsis speak for itself.
“A famous singer and a football star begin dating, but their budding romance faces intense public scrutiny, forcing them to decide if their connection is real or merely a publicity stunt by the end of the Christmas season.”
It’s like someone’s Wattpad story got greenlit.
Stan
Nugget Is Dead: A Christmas Story — Out now
Is there anything better than a homegrown Christmas story? Nugget Is Dead: A Christmas Story stars Jenna Owen, Vic Zerbst, Damien Garvey, Mandy McElhinney and Tara Morice. It’s about Steph Stool, who has to give up plans with her bougie boyfriend and return to her small town after her family dog Nugget falls ill. Chaos ensues, with top-notch comedic performances. This is one you’ll want to add to the watchlist!
Disney+
An Almost Christmas Story — Out now
This looks SO cute. It’s an animated film by David Lowery, where a little owl called Moon is accidentally stuck in a Christmas tree destined for New York City’s Rockerfeller Plaza. Moon strikes up a friendship with a young girl named Luna who is also lost, and they try to find their way back home.
Nutcrackers — November 29
Ben Stiller plays businessman Mike in this Christmas film, who has to leave behind his busy city life to play dad to his four newly orphaned nephews. (See! Men can leave the big city to fall in love in their home town too!) While he thought his visit would be short, it ends up being much longer and mischief ensues. The movie also stars Edi Patterson, Linda Cardellini, Tim Heidecker and Toby Huss.
Binge
How to Make Gravy — December 1
This is a hotly-anticipated homegrown Christmas movie, based on the iconic song by Paul Kelly. It has a stacked cast as well, with Hugo Weaving, Kate Mulvany, Brenton Thwaites, Damon Herriman and Daniel Henshall bringing the story to life. The movie follows Henshall’s character Joe, who has been newly imprisoned, and how he navigates spending Christmas apart from his family.
Perhaps the real meaning of Christmas is all the terrible incredible cheesy movies we watched along the way.
Lead image: Netflix
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