We’re at the pointy end of The Bachelors now, everyone!! That means serious conversations! All those women whose names we didn’t know? Gone!
First up though we need a bitch sesh, obviously. For some unfathomable reason, Abigail
JessFelixHow DARE she be clear and upfront about her needs!Our Saviour Krystalif anyone makes me do this I will sueMeditation DaddyGC Gwynethwow, so private and romanticI’d like to take things slow, by which I mean I fucking hate you and hope you rot in hell, dickbrainKmart MGKLET HIM IN THE BIG RED CARCute kiss, who is sheBachelorOsherLook at these besties who aren’t uncomfortably licking the same man’s face!MAFSTheBachelors*listens intently to earpiece*Alesiahahaha absolutely not Gloria, won’t be telling you shitI can barely keep a houseplant alive, GloriaGondoleahLet’s buy a house together todayI know this is soooo noncommittal of me but I’d like to get engaged only, for nowFelix is me watching this entire therapy sessionDamien“you are just saying words at this point”bye Thingy, miss yaThe BachelorsNOT LADY JESUS HERSELFThe BachelorsMelissa Mason is a freelance writer, you can find her on Insta and TikTok.
