The Bachelors Recap: We Must Protect This Sweet Polyamorous Angel At All Costs

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – The Bachelors has chosen violence for 2023. Every episode is absolute chaos! We literally open tonight’s ep with everyone sniping at each other at the rose ceremony about Young Tanya (Tash)

JessOur Saviour KrystalOsherMean Girls.FelixKmart MGKKrystal

It has everything to do with me bc I am literally just here to start shit, beb

The only woman allowed to start shit on my watch

How dare you dry hump another man while I dry hump ten other women

The Bachelors

Will you though

Thomas

Here I am, the resident unqualified counsellor

You had to go ruin it, son

Leah

Also who sits on a swing like that

Michael Turnbull

She is super hot and also the producers told me I have to keep her around for at least six episodes

What is The Goldy but theme parks and fart-infused nightclubs

This man did NOT sign up for I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

TillyThe Bachelors

Does anyone know where the train to Central Station runs from?

Same

The Bachelors

Guys I really like this dress but I also really need to get to Central

One more deep eye roll and we’ll need to go to hospital

Krystal you can rip MY hair extensions out if you want to

White Lotus

“look, Tash is hot and also I’m not allowed to send her home so yes I agree”

oopsy

The BachelorsMelissa Mason is a freelance writer, you can find her on Insta and TikTok.

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