Dark Souls. Bloodborne. Sekiro. What do all of these ridiculously difficult throw-your-controller-at-the TV-screen games have in common? They’ve got NOTHING on old-school platformers. Were they video games or exercises in sadomasochism? As the decades pass since the platform genre’s creation, the answer still isn’t clear. Classic platformer games required the reflexes of a cat, the patience of a turtle, and the emotional composure of a full-grown capybara. Deviously difficult, half of these games could be described as “fun” in the same way the peanut butter could be described as “minty fresh,” which is to say: not at all. Veteran gamers know that platformers aren’t really games, but digital life-and-death scenarios meant to test one’s mental fortitude. And these platformers? They’re the greatest (and some of the most frustrating) of all time.
