A gathering will be held in a West Australian town tomorrow to celebrate the life of family man John Aylmore, but this wake will have one crucial difference to most — Mr Aylmore will be there.
When Mr Aylmore, from Albany on WA's south coast, was diagnosed with terminal cancer a month ago he told his family he didn't want a funeral or any fuss.
"He's always said when the time comes we're just to take him straight to the crematorium and put him in the ground next to our mother," his daughter Sonya Aylmore said.
What the family didn't agree to was what would happen before Mr Aylmore died and so the idea of a living wake was born.
"At first he was a bit, 'What are you doing? I think you're insane'," Ms Aylmore said.
"And then he said, 'Actually you're right, probably one of the biggest gifts I can give to you girls is the chance to say goodbye with family and friends'."
A chance to say goodbye
Mr Aylmore is a familiar face around Albany, having worked in a variety of jobs over the years.
He was at the Thomas Borthwick & Sons abbatoir for 15 years and some old friends from those days were expected to attend the wake and share stories.
Ms Aylmore described her father as a "good, old-fashioned farmer" with a big heart underneath his rough surface.
She said the living wake was a chance for friends and family to farewell her father while he was still well enough to enjoy the day.
"When someone passes you often say, 'I wish I said ..., I wish I did ..., I wish I told them ...'. Well we don't want to have wishes," Ms Aylmore said.
"We want to be able to say to John, 'Thanks mate, this was great, I really loved the time we did this, I really loved the time we did that'.
"To us it's the way it should be. We don't want to have the fear of death and I think this is a great opportunity to say, 'You really meant something to me mate, thanks for the times we shared'."
Death as a natural part of life
While living wakes are still unusual, they are becoming more common.
Grief Centre of Western Australia founding director Christine Richardson said they were a wonderful way of acknowledging, celebrating and sharing stories of sadness and grief.
"It gives people a chance to come together … and share that sadness, but also that joy and fun and silliness, moments that they've had," she said.
Ms Richardson said westerners could learn from other cultures that acknowledge death as part of life.
"As westerners we tend to box people up and bury them really quickly, hoping that the hurt or pain will go away and we expect people to get on with it," she said.
"Living wakes in some ways give you the opportunity to lean into the experience of loss and death and grief."
