A teacher has commemorated their non-binary identity, along with their top surgery, with a twist on the typical ‘gender reveal’ party. Rather than finding out if they were having a boy or a girl, Flint, 31 - who prefers to go by one name personally and professionally - instead used this typical gathering to make fun of people’s fixation on gender.
The party included queer games and traditional blue and pink decorations, while guests were asked to bring a gift representing Flint’s gender. Flint, an English and film teacher by day and TikTok trans-issues educator and roller derby coach by night, lives with their wife SJ, 34, who is also non-binary, and their four cats.
The pair came up with the idea of having a party to celebrate not conforming to either gender identity. Originally raised as a girl, Flint also wanted to mark their recovery from top surgery in July, where the breasts were removed, with more than 25 guests invited to a bash at their home on August 13 this year - where there was a big build-up to their gender not being revealed at the end.
“When I had top surgery, I wanted to have a house party for my body with my friends, who are trans and queer,” Flint explained. “I wanted to have something that celebrated this really important transitional time in my life, but also an excuse to hang out with all my cool friends.
“I wanted to have a party that celebrated gender that was sort of undefinable.” While wanting to have fun, Flint and SJ, a photographer and documentary maker, were also keen to make a serious point.
They explained: “A lot of these parties are setting those expectations up like, ‘Oh, I’m having a boy, that means I’m going to have a kid that loves sports and hates ballet’, or ‘I’m having a girl, that means I’m going to have someone who’s delicate.’
And that’s just not realistic. And it’s not fair to that kid. I think I actually started a trend by posting about it on TikTok because I’ve been seeing lots of people doing it now as well.”
After first coming out as gay at 21, Flint realised they were non-binary when they were 30, just two years ago. For the party, they bought typical gender reveal decorations, like pink and blue balloons, paper streamers and pink and blue lollipops, to decorate their living room, kitchen, patio and entrance of the house.
Guests played traditional gender reveal party games – but with a twist. One of which was a bingo game, with points being scored for ticking off as many “queer fashion items and behaviour” as people could find their friends wearing and doing, like having a carabiner – a little hook used to carry items like keys – on their jeans or comparing tattoos.
Friends were also asked to bring a gift representing Flint’s gender, Their favourite was a “a dog head sewn to a beanie baby hamster body. It’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever seen, but I love it.”
“We also played a game where everyone had a safety pin and your goal is to collect as many as possible,” they added. “We adapted a baby shower game where using the word ‘baby’ loses you a pin.
“For us, another person needed to give you their pin if they say the word ‘gay’ – I lost mine immediately.” Flint, from Orange County, California, revealed how their gender identity was not something they “always knew was wrong”.
They continued: “I didn’t spend my whole life knowing that there was this truth about myself that I was intentionally keeping from other people. I kept telling people who I was, using my name and my pronouns and dressing a certain way – and it didn’t feel right, but I thought everyone felt that way.
“For a long time, I only understood that to be queer was only something as sexuality. Gender never really seemed on the table as an option available to me.
"I thought the option for me was just gay, but it actually is gay and trans. Transgender can mean just not cis-gender, not identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth.
“Not every non-binary person is going to identify as trans as I do. I’m both trans and non-binary.”
Flint met their future wife in 2018 via a dating app. The pair shared a love of roller derby – a full contact sport played on roller skates – while Flint was also drawn to SJ’s “exceptional attractiveness” with their tattoos and colourful hair.
They started thinking differently about themselves after getting to know some non-binary people through playing, and then coaching, roller derby. “I didn’t realise what it was until I met more gender non-conforming, non-binary people through roller derby and I recognised them immediately,” Flint added.
“I would feel connected to them in a way I couldn’t explain and, when they said who they were, I felt reflected in them. I said that’s the experience I’m having, this is who I am, and from the second I figured it out in May 2020, I couldn’t keep it to myself.
“I started telling everyone about it.” Flint told SJ first, and they had a conversation she/her pronouns, during which it was realised they both felt the same way.
Flint said: “SJ reacted very positively and we actually ended up sort of coming out to each other around the same time. It was a really nice experience to have someone that felt that way too and talking to them.”
They both then introduced their pronouns at roller derby practice, where each person introduces themselves using their name and pronouns at the beginning of every session. However, being a teacher, Flint was most apprehensive about telling their students.
“I was pretty comfortable almost immediately with my family and friends, but immediately began dreading coming out to my students,” they explained. Fortunately, after telling the staff and pupils in the summer of 2021, it didn’t come as too much of a shock to their “amazing group of supportive colleagues”.
They said: “I spent the last 10 years building myself as an LGBT advocate in school, so my coming out wasn’t that surprising. It would be different if they had never seen it coming because I was a hyper feminine person – which I’m really not – but they have known for a while that this was important to me and that I supported trans kids in our community.”
Feeling isolated in a “pretty conservative part of California”, Flint started using TikTok “to find people who were having experiences like mine” and became part of a wider community. Now they just immediately tell new pupils exactly who they are at the start of each academic year, saying: “I introduce myself to the kids and say ‘Hi, I’m Flint and I use they/them pronouns’.”
But it is still scary, they admit. “The most terrifying day of my life is consistently the first day of school, because I’m drawing lines immediately by showing them I’m their teacher, but also different.
“Sometimes the students mess up and I have to remind them of my pronouns, but then we move on. I think it’s much harder for adults to grasp that than it is for kids.
“Students don’t care who I am or what my pronouns are. They just really don’t want me to assign homework over the weekend.”
Things have worked out well at home as well, with Flint and SJ tying the knot in June this year in a stay-at-home ‘elopement’. Flint opted for a thrifted vintage suit while SJ wore a summer dress a friend had modified for them, while both sported their beloved roller skates.
On TikTok, Flint has become an educator, regularly sharing experiences and advice to trans and non-binary people, with total views having reached seven million. While they finally feel “full and complete”, Flint still faces hate and micro-aggressions in their everyday life.
“Facing overt hate by being called a predator, a groomer, that is a higher priority than mis-gendering and dead naming for me,” they said. “The aggressive hate is much more directed.”
SJ said of discovering both they and Flint are non-binary: “It was really interesting and validating. Flint has a large extensive knowledge of LGBT history, so it was really great to be able to explore that language and those feelings with my partner that I love very much, who loves me very much.
“It was a unique and beautiful experience.”
