Taylor Swift’s midnight drop schedule and attempts to prevent leaks means us British reviewers have to get our first listen to The Life of a Showgirl in at the unholy hour of 5am along with everyone else. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, but by the time her song Wood came on, I was beginning to wonder if I was accidentally listening to a parody album hallucinated by some porn-addled AI.
“Forgive me, it sounds cocky /He ah-matized me and opened my eyes,” croons Swift, clearly still too prim to actually say the word dickmatised. “Redwood tree, it ain't hard to see / His love was thе key that opened my thighs.” Travis Kelce has a massive and patriotic wang, apparently, and that diamond ring isn’t the only “hard rock” he’s bringing to their relationship.
